A-Z Linstead
by Halsteadpd
Summary: A series of Linstead one shots.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! So I'm starting a series of one shots that will we A-Z Linstead. Everything is listed below so stay tuned!**

A: Abandoned - " _Erin… Erin, we can't just abandon him like that!"_

B: Bandage - _It was the bandage that covered her stomach that made his stomach want to empty itself out, but it was her warm touch that let him know that she was okay._

C: Cancer - _Both of them had dealt with cancer in their lives, but it never seemed to get easier._

D: Dad - _It was his Dad that sent him running to Afghanistan, and it was hers that led him to her._

E: Earlobe - _He could always tease her in the right spots._

F: Fever - _It started out as a fever, but it ended up with him in a hospital gown._

G: G-spot - _He did it so easily._

H: Hate - _It was the first time their son used that word against him, and it rendered him speechless._

I: Ineffable: _Her beauty always ineffable, as it left him speechless._

J: Jacked - _She loved going to the gym with him._

K: Keys - _The things he would do to permanently keep those keys._

L: Lawyer - _It was that lawyer that had been eyeballing her through the entire case, he had to let him know that she was wasn't available._

M: Mellifluous - _It was the sound of her voice during one of his nightmares, mellifluous was an understatement._

N: Nestled - _Nestled on the couch in her favorite spot in his arms._

O: Oblivion - _His kisses were so powerful, that she was sure that they led her into oblivion._

P: Pounding - _It was the sound of little feet pounding against the hardwood floor that brought a smile to their faces as they woke up._

Q: Quiver - _She found him in the bathroom, quivering in the corner by the shower._

R: Red eye - _She was always so grumpy when she didn't get enough sleep._

S: Serendipity - _The one word they could always use to describe their relationship: serendipity._

T: Truculent - _It was the first time she witnessed his truculent behaviour, that she knew she was fucked._

U: Uniform - _All his uniforms meant something_

V: Vagary - _It was her spontaneity that he loved about her._

W: Wide receiver - _It was when their son had found an interest in football that he became a wide receiver._

X: X-intercept - _It had been way too long since they had been in high school_

Y: Yellow - _She wanted to guess his favourite colour, even though he didn't have one. When she screamed yellow, it instantly became his favourite colour._

Z: Zeal - _Her passion for everything was contagious_

 _/_

 **Let me know which one's you're intrigued/interested/excited about. Or even the ones you think I should change. But stay tuned!**


	2. A: Abandoned

**Wow, I never thought I'd get this much attention for this! Thanks for the support, I'll try to get updates out as quick as I can. Super excited for this!**

 **/**

" _Erin… Erin, we can't just abandon him like that!"_

The day started off rushed. Jay had joined Erin in the shower not long after she had entered, he decided they needed a bit of a 'workout'. Now running 30 minutes late, they knew all eyes would be on them as they walked into the bullpen, especially Voight's.

"We're late almost everyday. Maybe if you don't take so long to get dressed in the morning we'd actually get to work on time and wouldn't have to worry about being late once in awhile." Jay was running around to the driver's side of the car as he spoke to Erin who followed him out of their building.

"Excuse me, but I'm pretty sure we're late this morning because of you. I got up early today." He grinned over to her as she slammed the door and shot him a look.

"You love me." He said as he started the car and pulled out of their parking spot.

"Don't push it, Halstead."

/

Sure enough, they were the last two to get to work. The team was surrounded around the board and each of their eyes followed the couple as they joined them. The recent case they were working was coming to a close, they had their main suspect and his LKA. Today was the day they would perform the raid of the warehouse on 64th. Luckily, Jay and Erin had managed to make it in time to go over the plan.

"Suit up."

/

"What do you wanna grab for dinner tonight?" Jay followed the rest of the team as he drove the new GMC Sierra Erin ever so kindly let him drive, although he was paying her back _very_ well.

"I was thinking Indian, but whatever you want."

"How about a Halstead special?" He raised his eyebrow teasingly at her as a smile formed on his face.

"Remember what happened the last time we had a 'Halstead special'?"

"It wasn't that bad, Erin."

"Mhmm."

" _Oh my God, Jay!"_

" _Erin, I'm fine. I guess this new position isn't the best of positions for us." He laughed trying to give her the illusion that he wasn't hurt, but he was sure he had never felt so much pain before._

" _You're bleeding! And I'm sure your pinky shouldn't be bending like that." She wasn't sure how she had done it, but sex was Jay was that good. She managed to buck him off of the bed, and his face hit his bedside table and his pinky crushed underneath him as he tried to balance himself._

" _Trust me it doesn't hurt."_

' _That cut is gonna need stitches."_

" _There's no way I'm going to the ED and telling them I cut myself open during sex." His hand subconsciously went to the gash that was forming near his right eyebrow. Pain radiated through his head as his fingers made contact._

" _We can make something up as we drive to the hospital, get dressed."_

 _/_

" _How about you tell them that you were walking towards bed and you tripped over your feet?"_

" _You're making me sound like I'm a clutz! We both know you're the clumsy one."_

" _Well excuse me but it sounds a lot better than 'I fell down the stairs'."_

" _Whatever, when we get there my decision will be spontaneous."_

 _/_

 _4 hours in the ED later, the couple walked back to the acr with Jay sporting a new splint on his finger and some fresh stitches near his brow._

" _Well I guess now you have to nurse me back to health, you heard the doctor, I need rest."_

" _Only because you almost concussed yourself having sex." She giggled as she sat down in the driver's seat. "At least now I'll get to drive." He gave her the side eye as he clicked his seatbelt back into place._

" _I'm still not done with what I started."_

" _You just said you needed rest."_

" _A little physical activity never hurt anyone."_

 _/_

 _When they arrived home, she realized he was completely serious about not being finished, as she felt herself being carried back to bed. She gave him the pleasure he deserved, especially after feeling guilty about what had happened earlier that night. They laid in bed silently, the sound of their heavy breathing being the only thing they heard in the night._

" _I guess getting nursed back to health by you isn't a bad thing." She laughed at his confession, turning her body towards him and placing a kiss on his lips._

/

"Atwater, Ruzek and Burgess, I want the three of you covering the back. Jay and Erin, I want you two to breach the front with Al and I. You guys will go right, we'll go left."

Jay used his shotgun to shoot out the doorknob before he rushed in behind his partner. They cleared through the two rooms on their side before they came into view of the main room. They could see the rest of the team surrounding the building, and on Voight's cue, they rushed in.

The arrests had been made and the team was pulling out faster than expected. It was when Jay turned to follow his friends out when he heard a whimper coming from the corner. His hand automatically went for his gun as he tried to locate the source of the noise.

As he turned a corner, the source of the noise was discovered. Cowering under a table, was a small german shepard puppy. He quickly put his gun back in it's holster before he tried to reach out to the dog, but he was forced to pull his hand back as the dog growled at him.

"C'mere bud." He reached his hand out again, this time more slowly. The dog approached his hand and sniffed it, before it licked his fingers. Jay quickly grabbed the puppy and brought it to his embrace, taking him back to the truck he knew Erin was waiting by.

/

"Um, what are you doing?"

"Look at what I found inside!" His excitement was childlike, eliciting a grin from Erin. She ran a hand over the dog's head as Jay held him close into his chest.

"We'll have to take him to a shelter." Her words were like a knife to his heart. This was easily the cutest puppy he had ever seen, he wanted to keep him.

"Let's take him to the district."

"Jay… We can't keep this dog. Who's gonna look after him? We're cops, we're too busy." She turned to get into the driver's side of the truck, waiting for Jay to join him.

"Erin… Erin, we can't just abandon him like that!"

"We're not abandoning him, Jay. We'll give him to a shelter and that's it."

He pouted like a little kid. "Erin, please."

She looked over to him before sighed exasperatingly, driving to the district.

/

The dog, his name was Buddy, was a big hit, even with Voight. But as the day came to an end and the team started to leave, Erin had a feeling Buddy would be coming home with her. She watched Jay's eyes light up when he would lean down to scratch Buddy's ears or to talk to him in a 'baby voice'. His eyes never left the dog, until Erin stood up from her desk and started pulling on her jacket.

"So I'm assuming we'll be going to the pet store?" His eyes widened at her, knowing what she was insinuating.

"Well if you want, I know I want to, but only if it's good with you babe."

"To keep that smile on your face, I'll do anything." He stood up quickly, towering over her before he placed a kiss on her lips. Voight clearing his throat brought him back to reality as he realized where he was.

"See you two tomorrow."

/

He never left the dog's side, even when Erin called him to come and eat dinner.

"Jay… I've never seen you give something so much attention… I'm kind of offended." _That_ got his attention for sure.

"Wait, what do you mean."

"You haven't even let Buddy out of your sight since you found him, even as you went to the bathroom."

"Is someone jealous?" He smirked, teasing her in a sing-song voice.

"No… I'm not jealous!"

"Don't worry, I'll make it up to you later." He winked before he rested his hands on her hips, bringing her body against his. "You won't be so jealous then."

/

For the second time that day, they were breathless against each other's bodies.

"Still jealous?"

"Uhmm… nope." He laughed at her answer, before his attention was brought to something tugging on his side of the sheets. Sure enough, Buddy had found his way to the bedroom. He picked up the dog from the floor and placed him in between himself and Erin.

After a few minutes of silence, he finally asked the question that had been on his mind since this morning.

"Erin… can we keep him?" She took her time to answer. It felt like absolute torture as he waited.

"You're going to be picking up after him."

"So is that a yes?"

"That's a yes."

"God, I love you so much."

"Yeah… I know." Their lips met over Buddy's small body that laid between them. He felt her smile as she kissed him, giving him butterflies. He was always intrigued by the effect she had on him. Whether it was a kiss, a look, or a smile, she always managed to make his heart do somersaults, and that's something he would always love about her. "I love you too."

/

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	3. B: Bandage

_It was the bandage that covered her stomach that made his stomach want to empty itself out, but it was her warm touch that let him know that she was okay._

He had been nursing the stomach flu for a week. Every morning Erin would make him some peppermint tea, hoping to soothe his stomach, before she placed a kiss on his forehead and then his lips as she pulled her badge onto her hip. She would tell him she'd call when she could, and for him to get some rest. Then he would be alone. His brain would be racked with worries until she walked through the front door of their apartment again later that night. He _was_ her backup after all.

He tried his best to distract himself to the best of his ability. He tried to do some chores around the house, but would quickly tire as his sickness kept him fatigued all the time. So his 2 best options were: naps and video games. He would play video games until Erin called the first time during her lunch break. He would then eat his own lunch which consisted of saltine crackers and some Sprite. After using the bathroom, he would take a nap.

However, today she didn't call. It threw his entire schedule off as he didn't realize how long he had been glued to the TV until he looked at the time on his phone. He left her a text asking if she was okay before continuing to the kitchen to eat 'lunch'. He fell asleep almost instantly, not realizing how tired he had become.

He woke a few hours later at around 4 to no texts from Erin. He called her cell first which she didn't answer, and then her desk phone which he also had to listen to the ringing of. He thought of calling Hank, before deciding against it, thinking the team was in the field.

After a long shower of letting the hot water calm his tired muscles, his worry started to increase. She had promised a phone call at lunch just as she had the last 6 days. He reached for his phone as he sat down on their bed, finding the number of his sergeant.

" _This is Hank Voight, leave a message."_

"Hey Voight, it's me. Just give me a call back, I'm getting worried. Erin's not picking up her phone or answering any of my texts. Just give me a call back." He sighed as he pressed the 'end call' button before lying on the bed again. A knocking at the door startled him as he quickly got to his feet. It must've been too quick because he remembers the dizziness taking over his body, quickly replaced with nausea.

"Ruzek… what're you doing here? Where's Erin?"

"She's at the hospital, put on some shoes let's go."

"Ruzek, what happened?!" He exclaimed, quickly pulling his boots onto his feet.

"Voight asked me not to say anything."

"Can you at least tell me if she's okay?!"

Ruzek looked over to one of his best friends with a sympathetic look on his face before giving him a weak smile. "I don't know, man."

Jay wasn't sure how he hadn't collapsed yet. His legs felt weak and he could feel them shaking underneath him. Somehow his legs kicked into overdrive as he ran down to Ruzek's car that awaited him. He didn't think of his pounding headache, nor Ruzek's horrifying driving that was making his stomach do somersaults. He was thinking of his girl who was lying somewhere in a hospital without him there. The latter thought made him more nauseous than the horrible driving he was enduring.

/

"The perp came out of nowhere, he just took her in one arm and used the other one to cut the knife into her skin. It was just below her vest but some of it did get the brunt of it. She came out of surgery a little while ago. She lost a lot of blood, apparently. Almost didn't make it." Jay could feel the tears stinging his eyes as Voight spoke to him softly. He felt like he needed to sit, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He could deal with his head spinning if his girl had almost bled out.

"C-can I see her yet."

"Doctor said a nurse would come by when they take her into the ICU. Take a seat, Jay." Reluctantly he agreed. He didn't know how long he sat in the chair, fidgeting, before a nurse walked into his direction. He stood up too quickly once again, before following her behind the automatic double doors.

When he saw her lying in the hospital bed, his breath hitched in his throat. She was as pale as the sheets that covered her. She had no life in her cheeks and she was asleep, no sign of life there either.

"I didn't know what to do with the vest, so I just left it on the chair there." The nurse said pointing to one of the two chairs in the room.

"Thanks."

/

First he observed her. He watched the rise and fall of her chest, making sure she was indeed, alive. Then he watched her face, waiting to see if her lips would twitch or if her eyes would make any subtle movements. But they didn't. He was curious to see her wound. For all he knew, he should've been there. He was her backup and today, he failed her. That wound was on him.

He carefully pulled down the sheets before unbuttoning a few on the buttons close to her abdomen. He lifted up the side of the bandage to see the red line that stretched in an awkward way. It started below her bellybutton on the left side, and stopped literally a millimeter, before hitting the top of her bellybutton. Where the vest saved her.

That's when he got up from the chair, after putting her gown back together and tucking her in again, walking towards the vest. He picked it up, staring at the back, staring at the word 'POLICE' written on the top. When he turned it around, her took in the blood. It stained the black fabric as it had dried. Voight was right, it had taken the brunt of the attack. The tear stretched over 6 inches long, the knife would've surely pierced her heart if she hadn't been wearing it.

His gaze was pulled away when he noticed a twitch in his periphery. He smiled as he dropped the vest, immediately sitting down in the chair and holding her hand, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand. It was the bandage that covered her stomach that made his stomach want to empty itself out, but it was her warm touch that let him know that she was okay.

She squinted her eyes as she reacted to the sedative that had been pumped through her body before she opened her eyes taking in her surroundings. The first thing her eyes laid upon were the beautiful blues staring back at her. She smiled, before realizing how much pain she was in, her hand automatically going towards the cause of her pain. His other hand came on top of hers, stopping her from injuring herself even more, before he brought her hand to his lips.

"Don't do that to me ever again."

"I can't help it, was missing my backup tonight." He smiled listening to her groggy voice. In a way, it brought him peace. Knowing that she was alive and with him, it kept his mind engrossed in a solace he had never felt. And he would do anything to keep that voice in his life.

/

 **Abrupt ending and wasn't my strongest piece of work.**

 **But leave some reviews please!**


	4. C: Cancer

**A/N: A few things.**

 **I was listening to Nearer my God to thee on the violin (yes, the Titanic song as it was sinking) and I got super emotional so this chapter just came out as sad. There's no smut or fluff, it's all pain. So please listen to the song on Youtube as you read so you can feel my pain.**

 **I also can't remember the kind of cancer Camille had, so sorry if I'm wrong.**

 **I've also had a predicament with Jay's past. I always thought his Mom died before he left for Afghanistan or in-between tours, so that's how I wrote it. If you interpreted it differently, I'm sorry.**

 **Anyways, enjoy! And listen to the song! You can find a 20 minute one on Youtube.**

 **/**

 _Both of them had dealt with cancer in their lives, but it never seemed to get easier._

It was after his first tour. He returned home, excited to see his Mom and brother after 14 months. It was when the plane touched down at O'Hare that he felt peace and safety for the first time in over a year. He grabbed his carry-on from the compartment above his seat before exiting the plane, excited to see his family waiting for him outside the doors. His face fell slack when he looked around the airport, and saw nobody familiar. There was a man standing with a sign with his name on it. He reluctantly approached him.

"I'm Jay."

"Perfect, your mother sent a cab to come get you. If you'll just follow me." _Why would she send a car?_

On the drive home, he watched the city he loved pass by. He watched cars drive by and he watched kids riding their bikes. He admired the skyscrapers and the Chicago River as the cab took him to his home in Canaryville.

When the cab pulled up, he reached into his wallet, the green one that matched the colours of his fatigues, before the driver shook his head.

"It's been paid for."

Jay furrowed his brows, before turning away from the cab, walking up the porch steps of his childhood home. His mother always seemed to be one step ahead her boys. Always.

He didn't bother to knock, because he knew the door was always unlocked. As he entered his home, he was greeted by silence. There was no clanking of dishes in the kitchen, there were no sounds of fictional TV characters coming from the living room, nor was there any sounds of footsteps coming from upstairs.

Jay walked around his house, stopping by the living room and being relieved to know his father wasn't passed out drunk on the couch. The memories were sour in this room, and the tears stung his eyes.

" _... And I applied for the Rangers. I'll be a part of the 75th Ranger Regiment and I have 10 days to let them know of my decision because I've been accepted. I'll be in Fort Benning, Georgia for the first part and then a few other places including Florida. After that I'll likely be deployed overseas to help fight the War on Terror." 21-year-old Jay Halstead, recently graduated Marine, stood in front of his family in their small living room. Being a Marine was all Jay wanted to do growing up. When he graduated, his Sergeant asked him whether or not he had ever thought about applying with the Rangers. He was the top of his class and he knew that the Rangers would be a demanding journey, but he agreed._

 _His father was devoid of emotion, his mother was the happiest he'd ever seen her, and Will had a look of betrayal on his face. He knew that look on his brother's face. It was one they had given each other on multiple occasions. It was the look they gave each other when one of them was leaving the other alone with their father. The one that was unsupportive of every choice they made in their lives._

 _He walked away to his room upstairs after no words were spoken by his family. It was the soft knocking on his door that startled him, but he was familiar with the tone of the soft thuds._

" _Come in." Jay's mother walked through the threshold of his bedroom. His walls were covered with posters of his favourite sports teams. The Blackhawks, Bears, White Sox, and Bulls. A trunk laid at the foot of his bed. It contained his valuables, including pictures of his friends he made while he was training with the Marines. It had autographed baseballs and hockey pucks as well as all the sports cards Jay had collected growing up. She sat down on the edge of his bed, watching him pack some of his clothing into a duffle bag. His uniform was laid out on his bed, clean and pressed, and proudly displaying the flag of the United States of America._

" _I'm so proud of you." He stopped packing as the tears started to pool in his eyes. He couldn't look her in the eyes because he knew he would see heartbreak. He would be training and leaving the country while Will would be gone to college or hooking up with a new girl. He hated leaving his Mom alone with his father. She would always be too vulnerable. There was no telling when his dad would get too drunk and take out any anger on her. And Jay knew the repercussions of his decision would be coming soon for her._

" _I'm sorry. I-I just can't be here around him anymore. I'm leaving you all alone and-"_

" _Jay, it's okay. As long as you're happy with your choice I'm happy. You can't put your life on hold for me." He came and sat down on his bed next to her, careful not to sit on his uniform. They sat in silence for a long time, enjoying each other's presence._

" _I love you, Jay." Her voice sounded broken and it automatically brought the tears back to his eyes. He breathed deeply, willing to not let them fall in front of her. The tears betrayed him when he looked up at her face and saw the tears going down her cheeks, his following the same route. Her thumbs grazed his cheeks as she wiped his tears away just like she did when Jay was a kid. She cupped his face in her hands before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I love you so much."_

When he walked into the kitchen, his gaze was automatically drawn to the prescription bottles that were littered on the counter. He picked a few up, reading them. They all had the same name on them: Ashley Halstead. His eyes grew in concern as he turned away from the countertop, running up the stairs to the master bedroom. His boots pounded on the stairs and through the hallway as he burst through the door.

What he witnessed took his breath away. His mother lay on the bed, sleeping. He hoped. She had a bandana tied to her head and she had lost a significant amount of weight since he left. Her skin was pale and her cheekbones protruded from her face. The night table next to her bed also contained pill bottles. He approached her quietly, squatting down and holding her hand in both of his. It was cold and small, nothing like he had remembered. The warm touch from his calloused hands seemed to wake her, as she stirred in the bed before waking up.

"Mom…" His voice was choked and barely above a whisper. "Mom, what happened?!"

"Jay…" Her voice was breathy and it came out strangled. It seemed to cause her pain to speak but she still managed to smile as she brought her other hand to her son's face.

"Mom, what's going on?" He didn't stop the tears this time. He let them fall. He had other things to worry about.

"I'm okay, Jay. I'm fine." He watched her wince in pain as she tried to sit up in bed, before he helped her rest against the headboard. He was speechless.

"H-How long have you known?"

"It was about a month after you left. They found a couple of lumps on my tubes. I had them removed but the cancer had already spread. I'm in stage 4 right now."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?!" He was beginning to get angry but the tears deceived him.

"Jay, you needed to focus. I needed you to come home so I could see you one last time." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to help her son understand why she couldn't tell him.

"Where's Will?"

"He's in New York sweetie. He was accepted into Med school remember?"

"Yeah… b-but why isn't he here."

"I don't have an answer for that Jay." She saw the rage in his eyes as she tried to calm him down. "That's not important right now, I have you."

"You said stage 4… Is the chemo helping?" She smiled sadly at her son and took her time to answer. She couldn't drop the bomb on him so easily, but she knew he had to know.

"Actually, Jay… I stopped chemo, last month. I have terminal cancer. I'm not supposed to make it to the next month." She watched his face fall and his shoulders slump before she brought him into her chest, rubbing his back. She felt his tears soaking her shirt before his silence turned into gut wrenching sobs. "I'm so sorry, Jay."

/

Ashley Halstead passed away exactly two weeks after her son came home. Jay held her hand as she slowly faded away in her sleep, listening to her breathing becoming slower and slower by the minute. When the machines flatlined in the hospital, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, before he left the room as nurses rushed in. It was all a blur. Maybe it was the tears falling from his eyes, or maybe it was his inability to understand what had just happened to him. He wished he could've had those arms wrapping him up again, one last time. Wiping his tears, bandaging his cuts, and holding him tight through one of his nightmares as a child. But he knew he wouldn't have that again.

He sat in the front row in his black suit and tie next to his brother and father, before he threw in a handful of dirt and turned away from his family and friends, vowing to never grace their presence again. In those two weeks he spent nursing his mother, helping her eat and helping her bathe all by himself, he realized he never had a family, one that cared about his well being or his life interests. It was only his mother, and now she was gone.

Little did he know, there was a girl he would be falling in love with in years to come, that was going through the same thing as him.

/

Erin Lindsay watched the woman who had become her mother over the last few years, sleeping in the hospital bed. Her chest would rise and fall with her breaths and Erin could see through the gown where both breasts used to be. They had been removed surgically 6 months prior, and the chemo seemed to help. For the first bit. Her cancer had returned, and it came back stronger than ever.

Her strength was gone and the light that Erin used to see in her eyes was gone. She looked up from the bed to see Hank Voight dozing in the chair next to her. A smile subconsciously grazed her lips, looking between the two whom she considered her family now. In the years she had stayed at the Voight house, she started to fall in love with the idea of love. She had never thought about marriage or having kids, until she saw the love Hank and Camille had for each other. It was the Sunday barbecues and dinner around the table every night and watching the hockey games together as a family that Erin had started to long for a meaningful relationship.

She and Camille would always have talks when it was just the two of them. Camille would use all of her strength to tell Erin to be happy with her life choices and to find someone who cherished her more than she did, because that would be a difficult task.

" _Erin, someday I want you to find a man that will hold onto you so tight and love you so much that you'll never have to think twice about whether or not he loves you. You deserve the world. And that includes having someone to help you fight your demons. It took me years to find the one, and when I did, I never let him go. So don't be worried that you're never going to find him. Because good things always take time."_

 _Erin was left speechless as she looked at Camille through tear-filled eyes. She could never understand how Camille managed to do that with almost every conversation they had. She had this grace and softness to her voice that always soothed Erin's mind. Maybe it was the weakness from the lack of oxygen, but Erin watched Camille laying on the hospital bed with nothing but sincerity on her face. She smiled sadly over at Camille, knowing that her days were numbered._

 _It was the days leading up to her death that Erin remembered the most. Everyday she seemed to fade away even more, as her wit and charming attitude faded with her. It was in her final days, when she didn't even have the strength to stay awake, that Erin began to feel a void in her life. When she flatlined, the room was full of silence. Death seemed so quiet to her, and it was something she didn't understand. She placed a kiss on Camille's forehead before running out of the room, tears rushing down her face as the nurses and doctors swarmed the room. She remembers Hank calling out to her, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She couldn't let him she her this weak._

 _She made her way outside of the hospital, letting the cold Chicago night air envelope her. That's when she completely broke down. She didn't care about all the people around her throwing her looks of sympathy, because she had just lost the most important thing in her life. She didn't see a way out. It felt like the end. A dead end. Little did she know, she would meet a man that would have her heart all at once, and he would love and cherish her the way Camille had said, and he was going through the same thing._

 _/_

She never knew why he did it, but she admired his act. Every Sunday morning that they had a day off, Jay would dress in his Chicago Police Blues, before he would drive to the Children's Hospital of Chicago. He would go straight to the oncology ward, hands full of white teddy bears dressed in police uniforms. It was the shine in his eyes that he would get from seeing their joy that made her heart skip a beat. It took him months to tell her about his Sunday morning activities. Took him even longer to take her.

She would watch him interact with the kids and talk about being a detective which was _so_ cool to all the kids he would visit. She never asked why and he would never tell her. He would always take off his uniform and place it back on a hanger covered with a sheet before getting dressed in his usual jeans and tshirt.

It was one Saturday night, after closing a big case, that the words drunkenly spilled out of his mouth. They were warm like honey, but the words hit a soft spot in her too. When she got him home, he collapsed on the bed while he waited for her to get changed. He managed to undress himself, stripping down to his boxers, before hiding under the covers.

When she climbed into bed next to him, he instantly melted into her. He held her close to him, breathing in her scent, before he placed a sloppy kiss to her temple.

"I love you so much." His words were slurred, but she still smiled at him, knowing that the man that was lying next to her was the one Camille had envisioned for her. "I don't think I can go to the hospital tomorrow, Erin. Not in this state."

"It's okay if you miss one day, you can go next week."

"Some of those kids… time is short for them… They need to see people care about them Erin. It wasn't like that for me." Her brows furrowed at his confession. What did he mean for him? She knew she shouldn't probe, but she wanted to know so much of his past since he always kept it hidden.

"Jay, what do you mean?"

"When my mom died, I was alone. I had 2 weeks with her before she died. Nobody even told me. I found out when I came home after my first tour. Do you know how many times I contemplated suicide?! I'm going to be there for those kids, whether it's one day of the weekend, I'm going to show them people care. I didn't get that." His words were slurred but he was seething angrily as he relived his memories. "I can't do that to them." His last words came out as a whisper.

Erin could now feel tears on her bare arms. She heard him sniff a couple of times before sitting up in bed. She had turned on the lamp she had on her bedside table, taking in the sight of her crying boyfriend. His cheeks were soaked wet and his tears were slowly falling onto his pillow. Both of them had dealt with cancer in their lives, but it never seemed to get easier.

Erin sat up against the headboard, tears burning her own eyes. She watched him break down in front of her before she brought his head up to her chest, combing her fingers through his hair. She listened to his sobs, trying to hush him, but it didn't seem to work.

She lost track of time, not knowing how long she sat there, waiting for the alcohol to help him fall asleep, before she heard his snores. She smiled down at his vulnerable state, making sure he had fallen asleep and she hoped he would be clunked out for the rest of the night, before she let her own tears slide down her face.

/

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 **And let me know if you listened to the song while reading.**


	5. D: Dad

_It was his Dad that sent him running to Afghanistan, and it was hers that led him to her._

Maybe it was the verbal abuse, or maybe it was the physical. But all Jay Halstead knew was that he needed to get away. He couldn't bear to hear his father's insults anymore, nor could he take any more punches to his ribcage, knowing that someday they would break, puncturing his lungs. And that's how it would end. The air pressure in his chest cavity would be too much and he would suffocate. Or maybe he'd take the other way out, letting all his father's insults finally get to him before he ties a rope around his neck or walks over the edge of the tallest building he can think of.

But it was when Jay Halstead turned 18, graduated from high school, that he enlisted into the military. He knew it would be tough. He was always that scrawny kid in school that nobody talked to or noticed. It was the only option he saw. He wasn't like his older brother who was currently getting his bachelor's degree, hoping to get accepted into Columbia for Med school.

He left without saying more than 10 words to his family, he didn't even tell them he was accepted. It was the day he was set to leave for camp, that he brought his packed duffel bag into the living room and dropped it next to his feet. He said his 'I love yous' to his mother and Will before giving a look to his father and walking out the front door.

Boot camp was hell. He wished he put more thought into his decision. He wished he had trained his body before he enlisted. Each day came with a new challenge. One day it was a 12 mile march with all his gear, the next day was an early wake up call with a 10 mile run. In the first week, he was both physically and mentally exhausted, but it still didn't compare to the pain he father had caused him.

It was when he met his first friend, another scrawny guy named Greg, that Jay's life seemed to look better. They decided that they would be gym buddies, going at least 5 times a week to do some weights. It was one of their favourite pastimes.

The next few weeks flew by, and before they knew it, they were choosing their field of specialty. Jay had managed to gain some muscle, and his endurance seemed to peak. The physical challenges were getting easier by the day and he even managed to win some of his hand-to-hand combat competitions. Regardless, he chose to be a sniper. Greg decided on being a communications specialist.

When the end of training approached, they started to say their goodbyes, before finding out they had both been accepted by the Rangers. From that moment on, they became best friends. They even got deployed to the same place: Afghanistan. They were on cloud nine. Their days were laced with good laughs and fun times with their other friends. That was until their feet hit the dirt of that God forsaken place.

They listened to the sounds of gunshots all day long, and some nights, it even lulled them to sleep. A day didn't go by without them being involved in a firefight. The sound of bullets became a norm for them.

Their first tour was only 6 months long, and before they knew it, they were on a plane back home to Chicago. Jay avoided going home as much as he could, but he still wanted to see his mom. He walked into his childhood home, his eyes falling on his drunken father sitting on the couch watching TV. He eye-balled his son dressed in his fatigues before scoffing.

"Surprised you ain't dead yet."

"Surprised you're still here." His voice triggered the pounding of feet coming from the direction of the kitchen and he was soon wrapped up in the arms of his favourite person in the world. Her grip was tight around his shoulders as he felt her tears on his neck.

He was home for 2 months, before he was deployed again to Afghanistan. This time, his deployment wouldn't be as short, it would be lasting 14 months. He said his goodbyes, unbeknownst that it would be the last time he saw his mother so full of life.

Hell is an understatement. Maybe it was witnessing all the children being manipulated to join the Taliban, or maybe it was watching his friends get murdered. It was that one day in the middle of August, the sun was hot enough to make your skin sizzle, that the attack happened.

Jay sat in the passenger seat of the humvee, gripping his rifle, ready to jump out and fire if needed. His best friend, now dubbed Mouse, was nestled on the rifle attached to their vehicle, while their sergeant drove. They were the lead humvee. It all happened so fast. One moment they were fine and the next, all he felt was pain radiating through his body. The IED had sent the humvee exploding into the air, knocking Mouse out of the cockpit, and implanting all three men with shrapnel.

They were flown to Germany, all needing surgery, before they were medically discharged from the United States military. Jay had escaped with a severe concussion and a few broken bones, but it was the mental battle that affected him most.

He couldn't sleep most nights. Every time he closed his eyes all he saw was red. The blood seeping into his eyes, his friend's motionless body, and the flames from the wreckage. Pills and alcohol seemed to help him sleep through the night, and sometimes, it seemed like an easy way out.

His family life wasn't that great either. His mother was bedridden with cancer, her final days quickly approaching. His brother was nowhere to be found, like his father. Blacking out every night was a sweet escape from his reality.

It was when his mother passed away in her sleep, so quietly and so slowly, that Jay was at his lowest point. In present day, he can't remember half the things he did, nor does he remember marrying that girl from his unit. All his actions were done on impulse.

Yet, he remembers that one day.

It was July 4th. Independence Day.

As a kid, it was his favourite holiday. Barbeque's with his friends, baseball and soccer all afternoon, before settling in to watch fireworks in the evening through the night. But the year he got back, it was his least favourite holiday.

The sound of the constant fireworks kept him shaking all day. It happened at the most unexpected moments. It would be a kid on the street corner popping a firecracker. Or it was the first firework popping in the sky. All he wanted to do was get lost in a bottle of vodka and pop a few percocets before crawling up in bed and falling asleep. But he couldn't do that. It was too much for him.

His building was 10 stories high. It came with a view. He could see the skyline of Chicago clearly and unobstructed. The night sky was full of stars and the air smelled like smoke and hot dogs. There would be the occasional burst of light from a firework in the distance, and the sound caused Jay to jump.

He stood near the ledge, looking down towards the street below. It was desolate and quiet, it would probably be hours before someone found his body. His limbs would be bending in all different directions, his head would be seeping blood. His ribs would be likely be penetrating through his lungs, and his brain would spilling out of his cracked skull.

Maybe a kid would find him, and that kid would probably be scarred for life. Or maybe nobody would find his body, and his death would go unnoticed by the world, just like the deaths of his friends.

He finally picked up his legs, individually putting them on the ledge, and hoisting himself up. He teetered on the ledge, knowing that gravity would do the rest of the work if he got the right angle.

He doesn't know how long he stood on the ledge. But he stood straight and strong, like the military had taught him, and he couldn't bring himself to lean over. He jumped off the ledge, back onto the solid roof, before making his way back to his apartment.

It was the next day, 24 hours sober, that he walked in HQ for the Chicago Police Department, and picked up an application package. The process took months, but considering his veteran status, he was easily the right choice.

His patrol days were long and eventful. One night it was chasing a naked couple through the streets, another it was being called to a home where drugs were present around children. He hated some of the cases he worked, but it kept him sober, and it kept him busy.

His first promotion was becoming a detective in Narcotics. He took down some of the biggest drug lords of Chicago and helped keep his city safe with his team. He vividly remembers his first big undercover assignment. It wasn't even a Narcotics sting, it was a favour he was pulling for Antonio. He can still feel the pain and burn from the bullet in his shoulder thanks to one of Arthur's guys, but it led to one of the best things in his life.

He met Hank Voight the night before his first day in Intelligence. He gave him a run through of how Intelligence was run and if he had any problem with it, he could leave. The man's gruff voice instilled fear in the pit of Jay's gut that it shook him to his core. He watched the older man look at him with uncertainty, the same look he was given by his sergeant in the military. It was the look of _is this guy kidding himself?_

It was when he saw that brown hair bouncing in loose curls as she made her way up the stairs and the hazel eyes greeting everyone that he knew he was fucked. He watched her settle in the desk directly in front of his, before she looked up at him, showing off her dimples. She approached him gingerly, nursing a cup of coffee.

"You must be Halstead?"

"Y-yeah. You must be Erin." His voice was caught in his throat as he eyeballed his partner standing in front of him.

"Mhmm." She turned towards Voight's office, turning and giving him a look before she closed the door behind her.

It wasn't until about a month later that he found out about the relationship between Erin and his boss. It honestly scared him, because he knew he was falling for her. It was her tender personality around him. It was the tough facade she would put on in front of all their colleagues because he was given some insight on how tough her life was. It was when she first helped him through an episode in the middle of his first day when they were involved in a shootout and it seemed all too much like Kabul.

He saw the look of pity and anger that Voight gave him, but Voight never yelled at him for being a weak link to the team. The things that man had done for him.

Now as Jay Halstead sat at his desk in Intelligence that he had occupied for the last four years, he realized how lucky he had gotten. It was his Dad that sent him running to Afghanistan. The mental repercussions Jay dealt with in the years to come would never leave him. But it was her 'Dad' that led him to her. It was his reluctant agreement to Antonio's proposition to a new guy in the unit. It was placing him with her, and being graced with her presence every day of his life. It was the soft lips he got to kiss goodnight every night when they went home together, because her Dad turned a blind eye to their relationship.

Maybe his own Dad wasn't too bad, because ultimately, he led him to _her_.

/

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 **And the next chapter might be changed, not guaranteed.**

 **But yeah, review please.**


	6. E: Earlobe

**A/N: This wasn't the best chapter, I struggled quite a bit. Also, sorry for slow updates, the NHL Playoffs are consuming my life lol. And I also didn't change the prompt for this one, I'll probably change 'G'. But anyways, enjoy.**

 **Rated M.**

/

 _He could always tease her in the right spots._

Their week had been busy. On Sunday afternoon, a new case was brought to the team, ending their day off. An 8-year-old kid had been snatched from his backyard in the midst of the day with no witnesses. The unit spent most of the day looking around the scene of the crime and looking into associates of the parents. After a long day, Voight had sent them home at 11.

It didn't take long for the couple to fall asleep. Erin was asleep the second her head hit the pillow and Jay followed closely behind. Their slumber was interrupted soon at 3 am when a ransom note had been left to the family. The note was bloody, but there was no fingerprints left on the envelope nor the note itself. The presence of blood kept everyone on edge, knowing there was a kid somewhere that was hurt.

A DNA test was done to confirm, and to nobody's luck, it matched the boy. The note claimed that the family had 2 days to get the kidnappers 3 million dollars and to leave it in a location to be discussed at a later date or else they'd receive their son's body parts in the next few days.

Jay and Ruzek had been set up with the task of going through pod and security camera footage, trying to see if they could get anything. After hours of searching, they came up with nothing.

Erin and Kim were set up near the house, Erin having a view of the front door, and Kim the back. They sat in their respective cars, waiting, and eventually watching the sun come up. It was around 10 in the morning when Erin's phone buzzed, bringing her out of her 'I'm so bored I'm falling asleep' daze. It was a text from Jay.

 _Wish I was with you, I'd make your time worth-while._

She shook her head at the text, smiling.

 _Maybe when we finish this case._

 _Oh definitely._

/

Kim and Erin were relieved of their surveillance duty, being replaced by Al and Atwater. All Erin wanted to do was go home, take a hot shower and curl up in bed, but she knew that she couldn't until they found the boy.

The team worked tirelessly all of Monday, but with no leads, they were sent home at 8. Jay and Erin had picked up some takeout on the way home, it was game night. Ever since they had met, they made a tradition of watching the Blackhawks playoff games with some Chinese. They missed most of the game and came home in time to see the end of the 3rd period, the Hawks losing 5-0. Erin had fallen asleep on the couch before the game had even ended, leading Jay to carry her to bed.

They both surprisingly woke up to their alarms the next morning. When they made their way into work, they noticed that the bullpen wasn't as buzzed as it had been the last couple of days. They sat in their respective desks, starting up their computers, picking up where they had left off the night before.

The day went by slowly, and it was filled mostly with the team refilling their cups of coffee. Every lead they got seemed to come to a dead end. Tensions began to rise in the unit, especially with Voight's anger and exasperation.

Wednesday was the last day the family had to give the kidnappers the money. A location was called in from a payphone. The location of the phone was traced to the South Side to which the team rushed to immediately. They scoped out the location, not finding anything helpful. Their next destination was the drop off location for the cash.

It was a desolate parking lot. There was no buildings in sight nor was there any good places to hide. There was no way the unit would be able to park all their cars around the location without it being shady.

Much against Voight's liking, he knew he would have to send in a couple, and that meant Halstead and Lindsay. He hated when there was PDA during work, that stuff was for personal time.

They used Erin's car, with Jay driving against her wishes. They sat in their respective seats, waiting. When Voight's voice came over their radios, they got to work. They had a couple of minutes to get into position. The team was surrounding the area but they were still at least 2 minutes away from the parking lot.

Jay and Erin adjusted in their seats, facing each other. They both leaned into each other, meeting halfway. Their lips were soft and warm, a welcoming feeling that they've gotten used to. They heard the rumble of a car engine, and intensified the kiss. They could still see where the dropoff was set to happen, making sure they could see the parents of the kidnapped boy. Jay seemed to get lost in the kiss, forgetting he was working as he pulled Erin closer to him.

"Jay… relax." She could hear his laboured breathing, knowing the adrenaline was pumping through his body. "Jay, we're working."

"Need… to make… it look… real." She pulled away a little at his words, knowing there was no going back if she reciprocated his feelings. His teeth tugged on her lips, not letting her escape him.

Erin opened one of her eyes, watching the car approach them. She noticed the way the 2 men looked inside as they drove by, watching the couple make out. They didn't seem to be bothered as they drove towards the middle of the parking lot.

"We've got the eye." Her voice sounded flustered. Why wouldn't it though?

"Let us know when the money is given."

"Copy that."

Jay was the one to pull away this time, he was out of breath and needed a second to breathe. He rested his forehead against Erin's, panting, as he took a look over to the drop. He watched the suspects looking through the suitcase before nodding and saying something. They turned back to their car and reached for something in the back. Before it was too late, he noticed it was a gun.

"GUN!" He automatically went into Detective Jay Halstead mode, quickly pulling his gun out of his holster. Erin did as well. He started the car and quickly stepped on the gas pedal, drawing the attention of the suspects. Instead of shooting the parents, the suspects began shooting at the Jeep speeding towards them.

They got out of the car, using the doors as shields, hearing sirens in the distance, knowing their team was approaching.

"Chicago P.D. drop the gun!" Jay's voice boomed from his side of the car. The kidnapper holding the gun reluctantly obliged, dropping the gun to his feet.

"Get down on your knees and keep your hands where I can see them." Both of the kidnappers fell to their knees, listening to the detective's orders. Jay and Erin approached the suspects quickly and handcuffed them both. The team had in the meantime made it to their location.

"Nice work." Voight came up behind the two detectives, smiling.

/

All throughout Wednesday afternoon and evening, Voight and Al were in interrogation with their suspects. They both lawyered up and they claimed that they were hired to pick up the money and bring it back to the kidnappers. They just coincidentally didn't see what they looked like or where they operated from.

The rest of the team was finding connections and associates of the two guys they had in custody. The work was extensive as both of them had been in and out of prison in the last 10 years. The guy that was holding the gun, Steve Williams, had gone to prison for aiding and abetting during a similar kidnapping case 5 years prior. He lived in Canaryville with his wife and 2 twin girls, aged 3.

"Halstead and Lindsay, pay them a visit."

/

"Detectives Lindsay and Halstead. Are you Katie Williams? Wife of Steve?" Erin had come face to face with a lady a few years older than her and a few inches shorter than her.

"Y-yes. What happened to him?"

"Ma'am I think it's better that we talk inside." Katie had stepped away from the door, allowing Erin in, followed by Jay before she closed the door behind them. They first took in their surroundings, figuring out the exits of the house and doing their best to see throughout the rooms they passed.

"You have twins, right?" Jay turned from the pink walled bedroom filled with toys so he could distinguish how Katie would react to his question.

"Yes, girls, they're 3. They're in the backyard playing." She pointed towards the kitchen window to which Jay went. He looked through the window, and sure enough, there were 2 kids running around on the grass. "What's this about?"

"Where has your husband been the last couple of days? Has he spent a lot of time out of the house?" Jay had turned away from the window, making his way back to Katie and Erin.

"Well he's at work for about 9 hours a day, other than that he's at home."

"Where does he work?"

"He works at the cemetery on 42nd. What's this about?"

" , we believe your husband is part of a crew that kidnapped an 8-year-old boy. Do you know anything about that?"

"Kidnapping?! There's no chance Steve would do that. Ever since we had the girls he walked away from that life, he promised me." Jay and Erin exchanged a look before turning their attention back to Katie.

"Has there been anyone new showing up in his life, or a friend from his past that might have shown up here?"

"I wouldn't know, where is he right now?"

"He's in custody at the 21st."

"Well, I'm not saying another word until I see him."

/

Katie seemed to be like a dead end, and she stuck to her word about not saying anything until she saw her husband. His lawyer advised her not to speak to anyone about her husband anymore, so there was no chance of getting any information out of her.

After a long day of interrogations, the team was sent home.

/

Everyone seemed to be in a really happy mood on Thursday morning. The sun was shining high in the sky and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Their only setback was that their case didn't seem to be getting anywhere.

The case took a complete 180 when an anonymous tip was dropped that two men were escorting a bruised and battered boy to their car in the North side. Sure enough, it was who Intelligence was looking for.

They managed to get the boy easily, everyone wishing they could've done so days ago. He would stay the night in Chicago Med, but other than that, he was fine. Voight sent the team home early on Thursday, getting the much needed rest they had deserved.

Erin unlocked the door to her apartment, following closely behind was Jay. As he slowly clicked the door shut, Erin found herself pinned up against the wall by his body.

"Jay, what're you doing." Her breathing started to intensify, as Jay kissed down her neck.

"We… never got to finish… what we started the other day." His hands came under her thighs as he carried her towards bed. He gently placed her down, his lips only leaving when they discarded their clothing.

His lips soon found the sensitive spots around her ear, including her earlobe. She moaned, feeling his breath on her. He always managed to tease her in the right spots.

His lips slowly moved down her collarbone, eventually meeting with her breasts, he sucked softly, allowing her to feel his movements. Her hands subconsciously found the back of his head, playing with his hair. Her hips involuntarily bucked as his tongue rolled over her nipples, and he moved his own hips away.

"Patience, Erin." His voice was deep and full of lust, turning her on even more. The things this man could do to her.

He travelled down to her navel, pressing a few more kisses there, as his thumbs rubbed around her thighs.

"Jay…" Her voice was breathless, and he looked up from his position, smiling, knowing he had her right where he wanted.

He finally greeted her clit with his tongue and his thumbs continually rubbed closer and closer. She groaned at his contact as he tortured her. Erin's hands tugged on his shoulders and his hair. He stopped to give himself enough time to grab the handcuffs he kept in his bedside table, pulling her hands behind her and cuffing her.

"Don't move." He sounded possessive as he rolled her onto her back once again, her hands tied behind her.

His lips were once again reunited with her clit, and she bucked at the contact. Jay held her hips down easily, not allowing her to move. He could hear her panting, trying to catch her breath, but he wouldn't let her off that easily. He moved his right hand from her hip towards her opening, before inserting his fingers. She groaned immediately, and he picked up his head to watch her reactions. His thumb automatically went to rub her clit as his two fingers assaulted her from the inside.

"You're so wet." His own voice was beginning to get raspy as he felt that familiar throbbing in his cock. He knew he hit her G-spot when he felt her feet starting to curl beside him. He continued to rub against it as he readjusted his position to his knees.

He pulled his fingers away and finally let himself penetrate, allowing herself to finally have her release. He followed soon after, slowly pulling out as he relished the feeling. His face nuzzled her neck, trying to see straight once again. He kissed her earlobe and down her neck once more before he uncuffed her. As they lay naked against each other, hot and flustered, they both knew this was only round one.

/

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 **And I know a lot of you are excited for the next one, I'll try my best to get it up tomorrow.**


	7. F: Fever

_It started out as a fever, but it ended up with him in a hospital gown._

Jay was up all night with a fever and chills as Erin tried her best to keep his body from shaking. He had a low-grade fever of 101 and he was complaining about a stomach ache. Erin knew it had to be uncomfortable pain, because one thing Jay Halstead never did was complain about his pain.

She left the next morning for work without him, pressing a kiss to his forehead and telling him to get some sleep and that she would call. Luckily, his all-nighter allowed him to catch a few hours of rest before she called.

/

"Hey, how you feeling?" Erin decided to call in after lunch. It was a slow paperwork day in Intelligence, meaning Jay wasn't missing anything important. It also meant Erin didn't have anything to distract her from getting her work done. Staring at Jay on paperwork days seemed to make her forget she had paperwork to do. It was the way he furrowed his brows when he was concentrated on writing or the way he would rest his elbows on his desk, making his shoulders look even larger than usual. Maybe it was the smile he would give her when he would catch her staring at him.

"Like shit."

"Did you at least sleep?"

"Mhmm."

"Did you eat anything?"

"I'm not really in the mood to think about food."

"Maybe I should call Will, he can drop by and-"

"Erin, I'm fine. It's just a cold and I'll be better by tomorrow. Just pick me up some medicine on your way home." Jay could hear the exasperated sigh that left Erin's mouth.

"Okay, fine. It shouldn't be long, it's dead today. I'll see you soon."

/

"Jay… I'm home." Erin placed her keys and Jay's medicine on the countertop before she made her way towards their bedroom. She found the bed vacant, and the door closed to the ensuite bathroom. She knocked on the door before calling out to him again.

"Jay, are you okay." Her heart started to beat faster when she didn't hear him answer. There was no sound of water running in the bathroom so her mind automatically jumped to the worst. When she tried the door handle, she came up with no luck, as she found it to be locked. "JAY!"

As her knocking intensified, the door finally swung open, revealing a pale and sweaty Jay Halstead standing in the way. He was doubled over in pain, his hand resting towards his belly button.

"What were you doing in there?"

"I was using the bathroom, like a normal person does in the bathroom."

"Why weren't you answering me? And why do you smell like vomit?"

"I was kinda busy regaining my composure after throwing up. Sorry." He moved past Erin, trying his best to hide the pain that was surrounding his abdomen. She knew something was wrong when she watched him painfully get back into bed before letting out a huff of breath.

"Jay are you sure you're okay?"

"Babe, I'm fine. Trust me."

"Well, I'm going to go make you some soup. Camille always used this recipe which got me to my feet in like a day."

"You're too good for me." His eyes voluntarily shut as he spoke, making the bags underneath his eyes look even darker and deeper compared to when he kept his eyes open. Erin walked up next to the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin, before placing her hand on his forehead. She frowned at the heat she felt before making her way to the kitchen.

/

"I don't know, he's just burning up and he had the chills all of last night. When I got home he was in the bathroom throwing up. He's really pale too."

"Well, it could just be a 24 hour bug, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm guessing he's being stubborn about coming in? I can drop by after my shift if you want me to?"

"Yeah…I would really appreciate that. Thanks Will."

/

After what seemed like hours of Erin trying to coax Jay into eating the soup, he managed to eat half the bowl. He seemed to keep it down well until he quickly jumped out of bed, slammed the bathroom door and emptied out his stomach.

Erin's concern for him grew and she couldn't wait on Will to arrive. She glanced at the clock reading 5:00pm and knew he was likely getting out of the hospital at any minute. She got up from her position on the bed after Jay had stopped throwing up, and instead was dry heaving.

"Jay, I'm coming inside." When she opened the door, she found her boyfriend with his head still in the toilet, and his hands holding him up on his knees. She could see the sweat on his face and the sweat that was staining his grey shirt. Her hand went to the back of his neck, feeling his temperature. "Jay, you're burning up. When's the last time you checked your temperature?"

"The… last time… you checked."

"That was last night! And don't even dare say you're fine!" She walked over to the medicine cabinet, grabbing the thermometer. She rinsed it off with some water before turning back towards Jay. She flushed the toilet for him and put the lid down, motioning for him to take a seat. She gently placed the thermometer in his mouth under his tongue and waited for the reading.

"103?! We need to get you to a hospital."

"Erin, just give me the meds. If my temperature doesn't go down in an hour, then I'll go."

"Jay-"

"Erin, please." He didn't like to beg, but his day of vomiting and his restless night was beginning to give him a headache, not to mention, he didn't have any energy to argue.

"Fine."

/

Just as Jay swallowed the pills, there was a soft knock on the door. Erin quickly left his side to open the door. Jay listened carefully to see who was on the other side from his spot since he didn't feel like leaving the bed. He could hear the distinct mumbling of Erin's voice, followed by the voice he grew up knowing. _Of course she would call him._

Will walked into the bedroom a couple of minutes later to Jay sitting with his arms crossed over his chest and an angry look on his face.

"Hey little brother, what's up? Heard you've been sick?"

Jay didn't answer.

"Hmmm, someone's got the Dad genes in him today. At least let me check you out." Will moved closer to Jay opening up his medical bag and retrieving his stethoscope and a thermometer.

"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me. I'm fine!" His voice was assertive and full of control, making a chill go up and down Will's spine. He had only heard that tone of voice coming from Jay a few times, the last one being when he walked out of their father's life.

"Jay, stop acting like a child. He's gonna check you over and that's final." Erin's voice came up from behind Will, her own tone full of control. Will looked back and forth between his brother and his brother's girlfriend. He stood awkwardly, watching them shoot daggers at each other. In his periphery, he noticed Jay loosen up a bit, his arms not so tight around his chest. _Wow she has a lot of power of him._

Erin nodded towards Will, telling him to begin his check up as she stood leaning against the wall. Will repeated Erin's actions, taking Jay's temperature first. He frowned at the number before he brought the stethoscope to his ear and pressing the other end to Jay's chest.

"So you've been throwing up?"

"Mhmm."

Will lifted up the hem of Jay's shirt and pressed down on his stomach. He tried his best to hide it, but he winced in pain as Will put his weight on him.

"I'm guessing it hurts there." Jay let out a huff of breath, annoyed. "Well, you've got a pretty high fever and you're in a lot of pain. I can't say what it is for sure, you'll need to go down to the ED and get some more tests done."

"Okay, let's go then." Jay watched Erin as she grabbed her jacket and going towards their closet as she grabbed Jay's and a pair of socks for him. He tried his best to hide his pain as he pulled his socks on and got up from the bed, but it didn't go unnoticed by Will.

/

Every bump in the road elicited a groan from Jay as he clenched his fists. Erin had started to get worried. She had never seen Jay in so much pain, except for the time he had gotten kidnapped. When they arrived, Will was quick to get Jay a bed as came in to take a look at him.

"I'll need a CBC, CMP and I'll need an x-ray and ultrasound of his abdomen. We should know what's going on after that. I'll have April come and draw some blood."

Erin watched as Jay rolled his eyes before she shot him another disapproving look. He gave her one of sympathy, apologizing for his actions, before his gaze went to the floor.

/

"Have you had a loss of appetite?"

"Yes."

"Are you having problems passing gas?'

"Mhmm."

"Does it hurt to pee."

"Yeah, a bit."

"Well, Jay, with all your symptoms and your test results, I've concluded that you have appendicitis. Your abdomen is quite swollen on the right side and the ultrasound showed your appendix to be inflamed. You'll have to get it removed before it bursts or else it could cause serious infection that could cause death."

Erin's eyes widened at Natalie's words. Jay looked over to her and suddenly started to feel guilty as he watched the range of emotions being displayed over his girlfriend's face.

"I'll let the operating team know and I'll send in a nurse to have you admitted for the night. Your surgery will likely be in the next few hours."

As Natalie turned to leave the room, Will quickly followed, giving Erin and Jay some alone time. They didn't say anything to each other, before Jay gingerly got up off of the bed, walking towards Erin. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm sorry. I should've listened to you before."

/

Sure enough, Jay was being wheeled into the OR a few hours after being admitted. Erin walked alongside his bed, gripping his hand tightly. When they reached the doors, the nurses let her know that she couldn't go any further, so Erin placed a gentle kiss on Jay's lips, relishing the feeling of his breath on her.

"I'll see you in a bit."

/

She watched him sleeping peacefully on the bed, waiting for the anesthesia to wear off. The colour was returning to his cheeks as the IV drip gave him fluids, rehydrating his body. The rise and fall of his chest brought peace to her mind. She toyed with his fingers, willing for him to wake up. Eventually, she leaned her head down, resting her forehead on the bed, starting to doze off.

Just as she was falling asleep, she felt rough fingers rubbing against her earlobe. She smiled, knowing whose hand it belonged to before she picked up her head to look into the blue eyes that would be staring at her.

"Told you I was fine." His voice was raspy and gruff as he was still trying to overcome the effects of the medicine.

"Don't ever do that to me again! Maybe you could be less stubborn next time?" She stood up from her chair and placed a soft kiss to his lips.

"Yeah…Maybe…"

/

 **Review please?**


	8. G: Gratifying

**A/N: I changed the prompt for this chapter. So enjoy!**

/

G: Gratifying

" _Tell me about a happy memory, something gratifying."_

They spent their night like every other, cuddled up on the couch watching late night television, waiting for the effects of melatonin to release in their brains, signalling that it was time to sleep. Erin rested her head on Jay's shoulder, her eyes getting heavier and heavier by the second. He was completely aware of her state as he carefully brought the blanket up from her knees over her shoulders, bringing her head into his lap. He rubbed comforting circles on her hip, where his hand rested, lulling her into a deep sleep.

The rain pounded on the windows of their apartment, a welcoming sound. The subtlety and consistency of the rain falling always seemed to relax Jay's nerves. It seemed like everything was uniform and in order. He watched Erin sleep, watching the rise and fall of her chest. Her face had soft features, and all seemed to be right in the world as he looked over her innocent and vulnerable state.

He glanced over towards the clock on the DVR, noticing that it was past midnight. He turned the TV off and carefully moved the blanket off of Erin's body. She stirred at the cold air hitting her bare arms, but she didn't open her eyes.

"Hey, let's go to bed." Jay kept his voice just above a whisper as he bent down to look at Erin's face. She groaned and mumbled as she readjusted her position on the couch and got comfortable again on his lap.

Jay sighed out of his mouth before moving Erin off of his lap, standing up. He put one arm underneath both her legs and the other one around her back. She nestled her face into his chest before going limp once again.

He gently placed her on his side of the bed as he pulled the sheets out from her side, before moving her back to her side. He tucked her in before leaving to the bathroom.

He brushed his teeth and changed into his pyjamas and made his way back to bed. When he climbed under the sheets, Erin instantly melted into his side. He smiled, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before falling asleep.

He woke up a few hours later to an empty bed. The sheets were cold to touch and he noticed the ensuite bathroom door was closed. He could hear dry heaving and sobbing from his spot in bed and he quickly jumped out of bed.

He turned the door handle and luckily, it opened. The lights were turned off and when he flipped the switch, he found her sitting next to the toilet, shaking. Jay cautiously approached her, he knew she was aware of his presence since he turned on the light, but he still didn't want to startle her.

"Erin, what's wrong?"

She didn't answer.

"Hey… what's going on?" Jay crouched down, bouncing on the balls of his feet in front of her. He reached for her arms, trying to pry them off of having the death grip on her knees. "Babe…"

Erin swatted his hands away from her, not looking up to meet his eyes.

"I'm fine."

"Well, you're obviously not. Just talk to me."

"Jay, just forget about it." Her voice was laced with emotion. It was deep, a tone of voice Jay had never heard before. His concern grew when he caught a look at how red her eyes were. He had no idea how long she had been gone from bed, but it was obvious it had been a while.

"Well, at least let me take you back to bed."

"Not yet."

"Then I'm staying here with you."

Erin didn't answer, so he assumed that she was fine with him staying. They both sat on the floor, resting their backs against the bathtub, listening to the sound of each other breathing. Jay waited for Erin to talk to him, or make the first move, because he knew whatever he would suggest would be shot down.

Her body seemed to be tense, and after a while, she dropped her knees from her chest. Erin opened her mouth a couple of times to say something, but words never came out. She just stared at a space on the floor, unmoving.

"Let me take you back to bed?" Jay offered once more. She didn't say anything, but she nodded her head. He stood up before offering a hand to her, which she took. He brought her out of the bathroom and tucked her back into bed. He sat resting against the headboard as she rested her head on his chest. His thumb subconsciously drew circles on her hip, as he hoped she would be asleep again soon. However, she didn't.

Her breathing didn't even out and she was quite restless. She moved her head a lot, probably trying to find comfort, and she kicked her legs around.

"Try to get some sleep." He soothed.

"I can't."

"Why not, what happened tonight Erin?" She didn't answer once again. "You can tell me."

"It was just a nightmare."

"About what?"

"It was just something that happened a long time ago."

"How long ago?"

"It was from when I was a kid."

 _5-year-old Erin sat on the rug of her living room floor, watching her mother and her new boyfriend smoking on the couch. She played with the few toys she had as the TV was broadcasting something that she wasn't too interested in, the man and woman just kept kissing._

 _It was beginning to get dark outside but Erin still hadn't been fed dinner. She wanted to go up to her mother and ask for something, but the last time she did that all she got was a backhand to her cheek. So instead, she walked over to the kitchen and opened up all the cupboards and the fridge, trying to find something a 5-year-old could make. All that the fridge had was a carton of milk and some adult beverage that Erin knew was beer. She wasn't allowed to touch the beer or else she would get locked away in her room._

 _She pushed a chair up against the countertop after grabbing the milk from the fridge. She climbed on top, standing and reaching for the bowls. Her fingertips barely reached the bowls, even as she stood on the tips of her toes. As Erin dragged the bowls towards her, they all came towards her, falling to the floor with a loud crash._

" _What the fuck?!" Bunny's boyfriend's voice came booming from the couch and Erin could hear his feet pounding against the floors of her home. There was glass shattered all over the floor when he walked in. Erin could feel his anger radiating off of him._

" _I just fucking bought those dishes you ungrateful little shit!" Her charged at Erin, grabbing her from on top of the counter before tossing her onto the ground, like she was nothing._

" _You two had nothing before I came, no wonder you two can't appreciate anything!" He turned towards Bunny, bringing his hand up to her before making contact with her jaw. It was a sound that Erin would never forget. The clicking of her mother's teeth hitting each other, before the sound of her dead weight collapsed to the ground. She crashed into the small dining table they had and Erin watched one of the legs break before the entire table fell._

" _YOU!" He turned back over to Erin. "This is all your fault!" He approached her, forcefully grabbing her and carrying her to the bathtub. He plugged the drain before filling it up with the coldest water possible. He waiting for the tub to fill up, gripping the 5-year-old's small bicep._

" _This is what you deserve." His voice was cryptic and malicious as he pushed Erin's head into the water. Her little legs kicked as she gasped for air, feeling a tightening around her throat and lungs. She knew she was crying, but the water would mask her tears. He brought her head out of the water for a few seconds before dunking it back in._

"... And he just kept doing that for a bit. I remember passing out after that." Erin shivered as she finished her story, reliving her memory. Besides Bunny's boyfriend, Erin was the only one to know about this story. She hated thinking about it, and now she just made herself even more vulnerable by telling Jay. She felt her heart rate increase and her breathing getting heavy, as she rested her head on his chest. He rubbed his thumb over her cheek as he listened to the story, and she felt him tense at some moments. "Are you okay?"

Erin's question brought Jay out of his daze. All he could think about was how could a man hurt an innocent child like that? He had never met the man, but he felt instant animosity rising in his chest as the seconds went on.

"Yeah. I'm good. You shouldn't have had to go through that." She was silent. "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you, ever. Not you, not our kids. Nobody." Erin still said nothing, as she listened to the beating of Jay's heart. It was strong and quick.

"You should get some sleep before we have to get up in the morning."

"I don't think I can after that dream. It was really vivid tonight, Jay." Her voice shook as she spoke.

"Then tell me about a happy memory, something gratifying." His statement caught her off guard. It was just like Jay to instantly change the topic like that. He never liked to talk about personal things, especially when they were a negative experience. So he always pretended like it didn't happen.

"I don't know…"

"C'mon, a single memory had to jump to your mind when I asked you." She looked up to Jay's face, unable to see the emotion he had on his face due to the darkness.

"Hmm… I think my happiest moment was a few months after I moved in with Voight."

 _For the first time ever, Erin had a place that she could call home. Somewhere where she knew the heat would always be on and where there would be food to eat. But most importantly, somewhere where people supported her and loved her as their own._

 _She had gone out to a party with some friends on the outskirts of Chicago. It was supposed to be the party of the year and everyone was going to be there. As Erin, pulled up to the house with her friends, she knew this would be a night that she wouldn't forget._

 _4 hours of partying and drinking, and 6 missed calls from Hank and Camille later, Erin stumbled into the house she had begun to call home. The lights were on in the kitchen, so she knew someone had to be awake._

" _Shit."_

 _Hank and Camille came running from the kitchen towards the door. Camille brought her arms around Erin's shoulders and squeezed her tight._

" _Why didn't you pick up your phone?! We were worried sick." Erin tried her best to focus on Hank's voice but her intoxicated state rendered her incapable of doing basic things, including standing. "Erin… are you drunk right now?"_

 _She smiled as she tried to walk past her new guardians, before stumbling and catching herself._

" _Just a little bit." Her voice squeaked as she brought her index finger close to her thumb._

" _Erin I thought we had conditions."_

" _Well… then kick me out." She turned towards the door, grabbing the handle before she felt Hank's hand overtop of hers._

" _Erin, stop."_

"... That's the first memory that comes to mind. They didn't kick me out, obviously. But I've never had a feeling like that before. It was warm. It felt like I actually belonged somewhere and my mistakes were forgiven. I wasn't judged, I wasn't abused. It felt good." Her voice trailed off and Jay knew she was done speaking about her past for the night. He could feel her relaxing against him, and didn't realize that she was falling asleep.

He carefully moved her back to her side of the bed, resting her head on her pillow. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before settling down himself, resting his arms over her core. Soon, they were both in a deep slumber.

/

 **PLEASE review :)**


	9. H: Hate

_It was the first time their son used that word against him, and it rendered him speechless._

His relationship with his own father had been close to non-existent. It had been years since they spoke and the last conversation they ever had was full of screams. He promised himself his entire life that he wouldn't be like his father, patronizing and a drunk. He knew he would unconditionally love his children for the people they would be and he would support them in their life endeavors. He would kiss their cuts and scrapes, he would hold them through their nightmares, and he would help them with their homework every night. He was going to be there for his kids, he was going to be the man he desperately craved to have in his own life as he grew up.

Jay Halstead's dream came true on August 7th of 2021, when his baby boy, Andrew William Halstead, came kicking and screaming into the world. The second he had laid his eyes on him, he fell in love. He cut the cord with a gentleness that even he never knew he had. He watched the nurses clean him up on the heated bed before wrapping a diaper around his waist and slipping a hat on his head.

The first time he held him in the hospital, he could feel his arms shaking. He was holding his entire world in his arms, and there was no way he would let it down. He knew he would lay out his life in a second, he would tend to the needs of his child.

The first year of Andrew's life had been eventful. Jay watched his son experience many things for the first time, like learning how to crawl and learning how to walk. He watched his son figure out that the feet he was always grabbing was his own and that when he splashed water in the tub during a bath, it was him making the splashes. Tears were brought to his eyes when he first heard the sound of his son giggling and the first time he uttered the word 'dada', even if it wasn't his first word.

Andrew's first time being sick was a nightmare. He was cranky all the time and never found comfort doing anything. Whether it was Erin resting him on her chest or whether it was Jay carting him around all night, he never seemed to get comfortable. He cried to the point where he would tucker himself out, falling asleep in the oddest of places. Erin had saved his face from dunking into his mashed peas one night at the dinner table. He was sick for a week, before he turned back into his happy self.

It was close to Andrew's second birthday, that the Halstead family grew to 4. A baby girl, looking much like her brother, was the newest addition. She took up a lot of her parents time, leaving them to worry if Andrew was getting enough attention. They agreed that they would both alternate nights they gave him a bath and read him a story. They would also try to do one-on-one activities with him as much as they could.

Life seemed to be going by too fast for their liking. Soon Andrew was starting his first day of school. As Jay and Erin dropped him off, they couldn't help but fight the tears in their eyes. The last 5 years of their lives had gone by in a heartbeat. Their busy schedule of trying to raise two children with the demanding hours of their jobs seemed to keep them on their feet 24/7.

Jay watched Andrew from the door, with his little princess, Taylor, bouncing in his arms and Erin standing next to him, obviously wiping tears from her eyes. He couldn't wipe the grin from his face watching his son walk through the doors of his Kindergarten classroom, he couldn't be more proud.

And before they knew it, both their children were teenagers in high school. Andrew was now almost 16 and Taylor was 14. They went to the same Catholic school that Jay went to when he was growing up, it was a family tradition for the Halsteads.

It was on a Saturday evening that Jay heard that word uttered from his son's mouth, one he wished his entire life he wouldn't have to hear.

The morning started like every Saturday morning. Jay and Erin were always up before 8, getting breakfast prepared for the kids before one of them would be trying to get them out of bed. It was a hassle of going back and forth between the two bedrooms making sure the kids were attempting to get out of bed instead of falling asleep over and over again. Today was Jay's morning.

He first knocked on Taylor's bedroom door before opening it and peering in. He could tell she was still asleep by the sounds of her even breathing. He approached her bed before placing a kiss on her forehead and mindlessly rubbing his thumb on the skin of her arm. He was greeted with a groan and her blue eyes seconds later.

"Hey, breakfast is almost ready. I'll be back after waking up your brother." He shook his head as he watched her bury her face back into her pillow as he was leaving.

He knocked on the door across the room where he had just exited before walking in. He could see Andrew's eyes open from the faint light coming in through the blinds.

"Big game today, breakfast is on the table."

Andrew had a passion for sports ever since he could walk. He played every sport possible growing up before deciding on a couple to focus on as he went into his teen years. He was currently playing soccer, hockey and baseball. Today was his baseball team's championship game.

After breakfast, Jay would start helping Andrew loosen up, making sure he was always warmed up before the family would pack into the SUV and head to the baseball diamonds. Andrew would always be out the car first, running towards the fields as Erin and Taylor would head for the bleachers. Jay would give Erin a quick kiss before making his way to the Coach's box, setting up his lineup for the day.

He watched the team warm up before he was making his way towards home plate to shake hands with the coach of the other team. Andrew was scheduled to pitch during the game and Jay could feel the nerves radiating off of him.

"Hey, relax. Whatever is going to happen will happen, you can't change that. Just have fun."

"I can't, it's the championship game, Dad."

"Well, it's natural to have those feelings. Take some deep breaths."

Soon enough, Andrew was out on the mound throwing some last warmup pitches. He looked towards the bullpen, noticing the smile Jay was giving him.

The first pitch he threw was sent over the fence and he couldn't help but hang his head in embarrassment. He could hear Erin's encouraging words from where he stood but all he could do was berate himself. He dared to look in Jay's direction and saw him standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

It seemed to get even worse from the first pitch. After walking the next two in the lineup, Jay came out to have a word.

"What's going on?"

"Uh, I don't know…"

"Get it together, relax. Just breathe like I told you to." He turned away, heading back towards the dugout, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding.

It all went downhill after that. Andrew pitched two innings, allowing 5 runs, before Jay had had enough. He gingerly walked over to his son and stuck out his hand, motioning towards the baseball. Jay gave him a pat on his back as Andrew shot daggers at Jay.

Andrew threw his glove into the ground the second he made it to the bench before sitting down on it. He leaned against the cool wall watching the next pitcher warm up. His eyes watched Jay walking towards him, praying that he didn't get one of his lectures. His prayers came true when Jay came back into the dugout and sat next to him, saying nothing.

They lost the game 6-5. After the game, the family wordlessly made their way to the car. Erin could feel the hostility coming off of Andrew, and she had a vague idea as to why he was mad. She kept a close eye on both her son and her husband as they drove home.

"How about you grill something up on the BBQ when we get home?" Erin proposed to Jay. "We could have dinner outside today, the weather seems nice."

"Yeah sounds good to me." He looked through the rearview mirror as he drove, watching the reactions of his kids. He noticed that Taylor was expressionless, still engrossed in her phone, and he managed to catch the end of Andrew's eye roll.

Once home, Andrew went straight to his room and slammed the door behind him. Erin and Jay just gave a look to each other before Jay exasperatingly huffed a breath out and turned towards the stairs.

He knocked gently on the door before letting himself in, finding his son's face stuffed in his pillow. Jay gingerly walked towards the bed, before sitting down on the edge next to him. He placed a hand on the small of Andrew's back, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

"You didn't have to take me out of the game like that." His voice was cold and full of anger. Jay sighed exasperatingly before he replied.

"Everyone has bad days, you don't need to be mad." He soothed.

"You took me out of the game in the second inning! That's so fucking embarrassing!" Andrew yelled.

"Whoa, okay. First of all, watch the language. Second, you need to relax a bit."

"Dad, now would be a good time to leave. I already hate you enough."

"Andrew-" His voice was cracked and pleading.

"Please."

"Okay." Jay placed his hands up in surrender before he got off of the bed and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

When he got downstairs, it was evident from the look on Erin's face that she had just heard every word spoken between the father and son. She approached him and placed a comforting hand on his chest.

"He's just mad, give him a couple hours, he'll come around." All he could do was nod at her proposition before walking out onto the deck, firing up the grill.

The evening went by quietly, not many words spoken by anyone in the Halstead family. Erin checked in on Andrew a couple times after his fight with Jay, finding him either asleep or still pissed off. He didn't want to eat dinner, likely not wanting to face his father, so she left him alone.

After making sure both kids had gone to bed, Erin joined Jay on the couch watching TV. She wrapped her arms around him as his arm came around her shoulder, placing a quick kiss on her lips.

"You okay, you've been quiet lately."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Jay, talk to me." He sighed before taking his eyes off the TV screen, looking down at her.

"It's just, all my life I've hated my own Dad, even told him that. I just knew I wasn't going to be like him, someone who my kids would hate. Just kinda makes me think you know?"

"Babe, you're the best father to our children. They both love you so much. Andrew's words were just said on impulse." He didn't reply to her, only shifting his gaze back to the TV. "Let me take you to bed, help you relieve some tension."

His mouth went dry as he watched a sly smile stretching on her lips. Jay quickly turned off the TV before following closely behind his wife.

Although his mind had been preoccupied for the next couple of hours, he got out of bed at around 2:30am, not being able to sleep. He quietly went down to the kitchen, turning on the lights to the island and grabbing a beer from the fridge. He played with the label around the bottle as he sat at the kitchen table.

"Can I come in?" His son's voice had startled him from his thoughts, but Jay smiled at him warmly before pulling out the chair next to him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I, uh, I just wanted to talk." Jay nodded at his words, encouraging him to continue. "I just wanted to apologize, for, uh, what happened earlier."

"Hey, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it."

"Are you mad?"

"I could never be mad with you, don't ever think that okay?" Andrew nodded, looking towards the floor. "Did I ever tell you why you haven't met my Dad?"

"Yeah, he died."

"Yeah… but before that?" Andrew shook his head no.

" _You're just a hassle to this family, a waste of time!" His father's words echoed through his ears as Jay's face was met with his Dad's hand. He had just been suspended from school earlier that morning for picking a fight with one of his bullies and was given a 3 day suspension. His hungover father had gotten the phone call to come and pick his son up from the school, and that's when the chills went up Jay's spine._

 _The ride home was quiet, but he could feel his father's angered aura radiating off of him. He knew his mother would be at work, so it would only be him alone with his Dad until Will got home._

 _The second he walked through the threshold of the front door, the back of Jay's head was met with a dizzying force. He stumbled a bit before regaining his composure and turning around, his eyes wide._

 _He endured the blows and the words for about an hour, before Patrick Halstead had retreated into the kitchen, likely going to grab a beer. Jay took it as an opportunity to lock himself in his room and allow himself to cry. He never liked to cry. It was engraved into his brain by his father, 'real men don't shed a tear'. It was that idea of masculinity that Jay had had to live with, and as he got older, it just became a habit. Showing emotions were a sign of weakness. So he just got better at hiding them._

 _He fumed as he paced the small confines of his bedroom. The anger he had towards his father was palpable, but even in his clouded thoughts he knew his small build would be nothing compared to his father's._

 _It was when his mother's comforting arms wrapped around him that he allowed himself to let go of all his emotions. She whispered kind words and reassurances into his ear, combing her fingers through his hair. She washed and bandaged his injuries before placing a soft kiss on his cheek. The one near the eye that was bruising because of his father's knuckles._

" _I hate him." His words were broken and his voice cracked as he spoke. His gaze stayed fixated on the floor as he spoke, not willing himself to look anywhere else._

" _I know, honey. But you know what I always tell you."_

" _Be a better man than him." They both spoke in unison._

" _You're going to be an amazing husband to a very lucky girl some day, and you're going to be an even better father, Jay. Trust me."_

Jay smiled at the ground as he tried to hide the fresh tears in the brim of his eyes. He cleared his throat before standing up, putting his empty bottle next to the sink. He turned around to face his son again, and smiled down at him. He wished his mother was here to see him, and he knew she was watching over his family.

"Come here." Andrew stood up and walked over to his father, wrapping his arms around him. They stood there for a few moments before Jay placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Ew. That was gross." Andrew laughed.

"Okay, sorry. But I think it's time for bed, let's go." Jay said, chuckling himself.

/

 **Review Please!**


	10. I: Ineffable

**"No matter how hard you try, you cannot get rid of darkness because it does not exist. It is nothing but the absence of light. In order to effect darkness, you must do something with light. Because the light is the only thing that actually exists." - Teal**

 **V/XXV/MMXVII**

 **/**

 _Her beauty always ineffable, as it left him speechless._

He remembers the first time he saw her. He was leaving Hank Voight's office on his first day in Intelligence. She came up the stairs slowly, talking to another woman that was in their unit, a giant smile plastered across her face. It was December 12th at 8:48am.

"Lindsay, meet your new partner, Halstead." Voight's gruff voice startled Jay, bringing him out of his daze. She extended her hand towards him as she approached, and when his skin made contact, he wasn't ever going to forget the jolt of electricity he had felt. She was still smiling, her dimples being shown off in full force. Her grip was tight, which surprised him, due to her small stature. He couldn't help but think he wouldn't mind that strong grip in other places.

Her beauty seeped into her personality. She was usually bubbly, yet assertive. He learned that in their first car ride together when she absolutely refused to let him drive. She ranted to him about a partner she had years ago, a sexist one. She told him how relieving it felt when she didn't have to deal with him anymore, how he was still out working the beat and she was a Detective. She also told him how driving gave her the illusion that she had control over her life. He chuckled at her comment, but stopped when he noticed her solemn face.

Over the years of being partners, he fell in love with her grit and aggression, while simultaneously falling in love with her tender and caring side. He watched her interact with victimized kids, and his heart fluttered thinking how happy he would be if she mothered his. He watched her tackle a man 3 times her size by herself after he slipped in some snow during a chase and became flustered thinking how well she would dominate in the sheets.

It was their undercover op in the sex club, when she approached him in a red dress that showed off her cleavage and heels that made her legs look like they went on forever, that he felt the familiar twinge in his groin. His mouth went dry when he watched her walk, the swaying of her hips making the pain in his own hips grow. He remembered having the need to repeatedly wet his lips often that night, in case she noticed how dry they kept getting. They spent 5 hours in there, and the entire time he was trying not to pay attention to the sexual tension between them.

He was happy when she was moving up in the world, getting the chance to lead her own task force. He was even happier when he got to see her in person instead of through his TV screen after her first big bust. He vividly remembers ripping that pant suit off of her, hungry for her. Their rhythm was off, but they had lots of time to perfect it, he thought. He worshipped her beautiful body that night, kissing wherever his lips landed. Because at that moment, he promised to kiss her a million times before he died, 50 a day for the rest of their lives. Because when he was gone, she could smile, knowing there wasn't a place on her that he missed.

His heart broke when they later 'cooled it', and he was back to stealing glances from his desk. But it wasn't until he saw her at her lowest that he thought he had lost her. That he didn't try hard enough. She had dark circles under her eyes and the colour that radiated off of her had faded. Her personality had turned cold, and her physical beauty no longer lit up her attitude. Even the hair that he had tangled his fingers through multiple times seemed to be losing it's shine. He never saw her genuine smiles, the ones that would light up her eyes. All he saw was pain and anger, and all he wished was to take it all away from her, hold her burdens on his shoulders. And he would do it in a heartbeat, if it meant he got to see that smile one more time.

Her soft hands shook as she gently peeled the tape off of his mouth, and her name was all he could muster to say. Maybe because his ribs were hurting him, or maybe because he didn't have enough energy to say anything else. When her hands moved to his sides to help him sit up, he grimaced, but it felt familiar to have them gripping him. It felt like home. They felt safe compared to the hands that had touched him in the last 24 hours.

His heart wanted to beat out of his chest when Voight gave his go-ahead with their relationship, but he didn't want to pressure her into something she wasn't ready for. If she still wanted that connection with him, he would allow for her to come to him on her own volition. And she did, when her lips met his on her new couch. Soft and comforting, just as he had remembered them.

He remembers the glint in her eyes the day he asked her to move in with him. It had disappeared for a while after Justin had died, and when she was there the night Voight murdered his killer. But when he stood in the break room asking her to move in, he noticed that fire in her eyes reignite. She hesitated, and didn't give him a definitive answer. But he was patient. He could _always_ be patient with her.

The next time he saw that light again was when she uttered the 'L' word in the 300. He watched her ramble about how she wants him to move in with her instead, and he never wanted to take her more than now, and kiss her until he could no longer feel his lips, but the light had turned green. He thought it was adorable that she had calculated how long it would take to pay off the mortgage to her apartment if they paid it together, but he would never tell her that.

He remembered the mischievous look on her face when they were given a new car, his dream car, one he talked about in his sleep. She twirled the keys around her fingers, and he never thought that she had looked any sexier. Except for when she kissed him in the parking garage after handing him the keys.

The contentment in their lives was permanent. That was until Abby was brought into the picture. She brought memories he tried hard to repress, and he couldn't hurt the best thing in his life while he was hurting himself. She was finally happy, and he knew leaving would rip her heart out. But dealing with his demons would hurt even more. He was never going to forget the look on her face as he told her he was leaving, he couldn't even bring himself to look over his shoulder as he left their bedroom. As he left her.

He was forced to see the tired-lines becoming engraved in her face, since she probably wasn't getting much sleep without him there. Regardless, she was the most beautiful thing he saw and he knew leaving was the right choice.

His heart broke when Voight had separated them as partners, because that meant he could no longer steal glances at her while one of them drove, because he was finally allowed to drive. He wouldn't be able to watch her movements in his periphery, and he would no longer be able to look at her from his paperwork since his desk was moved.

He thought of all of this as he stood in his tux at the end of the aisle next to his brother. When the music started, he took a deep breath, turning around to face the door. She had a small smile on her face as she walked towards him in the white gown next to the man she had as a father figure. He didn't stop the tears from falling from his eyes, he didn't even make an effort to wipe them away. He didn't care who saw him in a vulnerable state, if it meant that he could stare at his beautiful, soon-to-be wife all day.

Her hands trembled against his own shaking ones. And when they kissed, time stood still once again. It was like he had just met her for the first time all over again. Her beauty was always ineffable, but on this day, it left him speechless.

/

 **Review, please!**


	11. J: Jacked

**Not my strongest piece, but enjoy!**

 **/**

 _She loved going to the gym with him_

It was one of their favourite things to do together, even if they didn't do the same workout. It was a place where they could blow off the steam from the day at work while simultaneously staying fit for their demanding job.

Erin was on the treadmill, doing her sprints, while Jay was in the weight room, working on his shoulders and back. Once she had finished, she stretched her legs out before gingerly making her way to ask about Jay's progress of the day. Usually on her cardio days, she would finish up earlier than him, so she would either watch him while he finished up or wait for him in the car.

As Erin crept up behind him, she watched the muscles that joined at his shoulders, differentiating into the bicep and the rotator cuff muscles, move in sync with him. His arms had always been one of her favourite parts of his body. They kept her warm and they held her with a sense of security that she had never felt before. She was unaware of him watching her expression in the mirror in front of him, as she stayed staring at his back. She could see the muscles in his lower back every time he raised his arms back up because his shirt would ride up. She knew how they felt under her fingers because it was one of her favourite spot to squeeze when he was on top of her.

Jay finished off his set, before stretching out his arms, giving Erin a few more seconds to stare. When he stood up, she seemed to come out of her daze, and she smiled as he walked over to her. He closed to space between them slowly, smirking before he bent down towards her ear. She could feel his exhales on her neck which instantly brought goosebumps to her limbs.

"Don't worry, I'll let you enjoy the view later." His voice was deep and throaty. He moved past Erin towards the lockers, leaving her blushing and hot. She started to feel that familiar pain in between her legs, one where she craved him inside of her. She could feel herself getting wet down there before she turned away to meet Jay at the lockers.

They drove over to the juice store down the street where they always got protein shakes after their workouts. The vibrations and rumbling of the car didn't help cool down Erin's need and her need for Jay became urgent.

He got his usual green tea shake with a scoop of vanilla protein powder while she decided on a low fat mixed berry smoothie, also with a scoop of vanilla protein powder. They sat down in the chairs at one of the tables near the window and made small conversation over their drinks. Erin watched Jay suck on his straw and felt the heat rising in her cheeks again. Noticing the pink blush on her, Jay slowly wetted his bottom lip with his tongue before turning back to his drink. She sighed exasperatingly through her nostrils before turning her gaze to the street outside.

When they walked through the threshold of their apartment, Erin couldn't wait any longer. As he was kicking off his shoes, she slammed the door behind them and quickly turned the lock before pressing Jay up against the wall and kissing his lips aggressively.

"Whoa, Erin… I'm sweaty." He managed between kisses. He always liked to take a shower the second he got home from the gym, but he could definitely make the exception today.

"Don't… care… Bedroom, now."

Her demands were met when she felt his hands cupping the back side of her thighs and she jumped into his arms. He carried her towards their bed before gently placing her down on her back. She propped herself up, reaching for the waistband of his shorts.

"Patience, Erin. Or this will be over quicker than we'd both like."

He gently pushed her back on the bed, before leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. He walked around the bed towards his bedside table, extracting two items from it. He placed both items on the bed before he reaching down to the hem of Erin's shirt and began tugging it off of her. He unclasped her bra next, tossing it to the floor next to her shirt. He then reached over to one of the items on the bed, smirking down at Erin. The sun coming in from the window shined against the metallic object he dangled from his right hand: handcuffs.

Jay cuffed her left hand first, before he turned her around and brought her right arm behind her, cuffing them together. He moved her onto her back when he was finished and decided to take advantage of her arm-less state.

"I know you've been eyeballing me since we were finishing up at the gym, Erin." Her name sounded so possessive as it rolled off his tongue as his hands moved from her hips towards her nipples, rubbing them with the pads of his thumbs. She moaned at his touch, memorizing the feeling of his rough hands exploring her breasts. He straightened his back, stripping himself of his shirt, before assuming his previous position.

He straddled her lap, pinning her down as his fingers tortured her upper body, tickling her sensitive spots, like her ribs, her sides and her stomach. He shushed her laughs with hard kisses as he continued his sweet torture. She was out of breath when she tried to speak, and he smiled at her being a complete hot mess.

"Jay-"

"Not even close yet. Do you trust me, Erin?" She nodded her head. "Then patience will be your best friend."

His fingers moved to the waistband of her leggings as he slowly pulled them down to her ankles, before he tossed them to the floor. His fingers made their way back up, feeling the goosebumps of Erin's skin as he made his way to his destination. Her hips moved up as his fingers grazed one of her most sensitive spots: her inner thigh. She involuntarily bucked, and Jay knew he had her.

Both his hands roamed each thigh, making her whimper. Her sounds made him instantly hard and the blood began to rush towards his groin. He lowered himself, forcing her legs open as he stretched her legs out to the side. His tongue snuck out and gently grazed her clit, making her squirm. Jay's hands came out from underneath him as he rested his chest against the bed, and held her hips down with his hands.

He continued his torture of her clit as he listening to her begging and pleading with him. He smiled and continued to no avail as he felt her wetness hitting his tongue. When the pain in his cock was too much to bear, he slipped his shorts down, along with his boxers, before grabbing the second item he had extracted from his drawer.

He slipped the condom on with ease before he rested his knees on either side of Erin's body and placed his hands near her head. He bent down, placing kisses on her lips, behind her ear, and at the nape of her neck. As he distracted her with his soft touches, he inserted himself inside of her, earning himself a moan.

Jay's thrusts were quick and he could feel the buildup of pressure shooting up and down his legs. Erin needed her release, as every time Jay would push back into her, he would graze her g-spot, making her scream.

"Jay, please, I need-" Her voice was almost a whisper as she spoke. She didn't get to finish her sentence as her release explored throughout her body, from the stomach, to the tips of her toes. Jay followed close behind as he exploded inside of her, before he pulled out, discarding his condom. They rested against each other catching their breaths, trying to come out of their dizzy spells.

"Jay?"

"Hmm."

"I'm still cuffed... " She laughed.

"Oh, yeah right." He reached for the key before uncuffing each of Erin's hands. She brought her arms out from behind her, resting one of her arms around Jay's torso.

He pulled the blankets up over their naked bodies, caressing Erin's hips with one of his hands. He looked down at her tired state, watching her eyelids droop. The last thought she remembered having before succumbing to sleep, was thinking about how much she loved going to the gym with him.

/

 **Please Review!**


	12. K: Knockout

**I changed this chapter from the original 'Keys' to 'Knockout'. Enjoy :)**

K: Knockout

 _Her breath escaped her lungs quickly as she watched him fall to the ground._

It was supposed to be a simple raid. They didn't even need the long guns. But when he fell on the floor like a bag of rocks, she wished she didn't underestimate the difficulty of their task.

The case was like any other. There's a victim, leading towards suspects, and consequently, an arrest and charges. They had a suspect in custody for the last 48 hours, but without any evidence, legally, the Intelligence Unit was forced to release him. Dustin Chase, a well known gang member of the G-Park Lords was found near the scene of the crime, a double-homicide.

Along with his friends, he had GSR on his right hand and over the midsection of his jacket, but no weapon had been recovered. Due to the recent activity the G-Park Lords had been involved in, Dustin had been taken in. The victims, a husband and a wife, left behind 2 children, 6-year-old twin girls. It made the team's blood boil, knowing how much those kids would have to go through, making them work harder.

It was 72 hours of diligent work and low sleep that the Intelligence Unit worked through before they had found a key piece of evidence. The victims were importing drugs into the neighbourhood from the Latin Kings and further selling it to others on the street for a discounted price, much to the G-Park Lords dismay.

"I was thinking we could grab some dinner after work tonight. Seems like it'll be a quick bust and some paperwork." Erin had suggested as she tightened the velcro strap on Jay's shoulder.

"DId you want to eat out, I could make something. It's been awhile since I cooked." Erin absolutely loved Jay's cooking. While they were partners, she had no idea he even knew how to turn on a stove. He always seemed to be eating takeout and beer for dinner. She always wondered how he kept his body in such great shape with all the grease and carbs he ingested. It wasn't until the morning after their 'we don't work together anymore' sex that she realized he missed his true calling. The assortment of breakfast foods he cooked for her was unfathomable. He claimed he wasn't sure what she would want to eat, or how heavy her breakfasts were, so he had everything from eggs, to pancakes, to toast scattered across his kitchen table.

"I know something _you_ could eat out tonight." Erin slowly rasped into his ear as she attached the velcro straps across his waist. She let her warm breath tickle his neck and she saw the goosebumps forming on his arms. He quickly turned around, his hands on her waist before he grabbed her own vest from her hands and began to fasten it.

"Don't start something we won't be able to finish 'til later, Erin." His voice was possessive and the way her name rolled off his tongue shot chills up and down her spine. She smiled as she felt his fingers 'accidentally' rub against the skin around her neck and as he moved her shirt ever so slightly to rub her hipbones with his thumbs. She could feel the pink blush creeping into her cheeks as he turned away from her to attach his thigh holster into place. When she looked down at him, he was already watching her, a sly smile on his face.

The team gathered around Voight who gave out their instructions before loading up into their respective cars.

"So you never answered my question on whether or not you wanted me to cook tonight." Jay brought up again.

"It has been a while, I guess you can make something."

"I can make something from the stuff we got at home, if not I'll just run down to the store down the street and pick some things up. What do you want?"

"You could make that bolognese alfredo!" She suggested wide-eyed from the passenger seat. One thing Jay Halstead could definitely do is cook Italian food. He grinned at her child-like enthusiasm before agreeing and turning his attention back towards the road.

The small warehouse that the team arrived to was beyond shady. It had broken windows and glass everywhere. The were cigarette butts littering the ground and there were a few teenagers standing around a lit dumpster. The arrival of the team must've scared the adolescents, because when the Intelligence Unit jumped out of their cars with the word 'POLICE' scattered across their vests, the teens ran inside.

"Move in and split up." Voight's gruff voice instructed over the radios.

There was the occasional muttering of words between people in the distance as the teams cleared their parts of the building. Jay and Erin were tasked with the right side of the warehouse, eventually merging into the middle to meet up with the rest of the team.

But that's not how it went down.

There was a pillar.

And then it was all a blur.

She remembers her breath escaping her lungs quickly as she watched him fall to the ground.

She didn't hesitate to pull the trigger, hitting the suspect in the shoulder as she tried to compose herself. She watched her partner get hit in the face with the butt of the suspect's gun before he quickly turned it to her.

Protocol called for her to apprehend the suspect first, which she did. When she secured the scene, she quickly bent down next to her partner, watching the blood leaking out of his nose. His eyes were rolled back in his head and he wasn't moving at all, omit his chest from his breathing.

"50-21 George, offender in custody. Officer down, roll an ambo."

"Copy that, 50-21 George."

She heard footsteps running towards her from her left side and quickly aimed her gun, lowering it only once she saw two of her team members approaching her.

"Lindsay, what happened?" Voight's voice was full of concern as he saw blood pooling next to his Detective's head.

"Idiot hit Jay in the face with his gun. Hank, I think he hit his head when he fell." She tried her best to keep the emotion out of her voice but she felt helpless watching the crumpled body of her boyfriend lying on the cold concrete floor. She watched Adam being joined by Atwater to haul away the suspect, wishing she shot him somewhere closer to his head.

"Don't move him Erin, let the paramedics get here. He'll be fine."

They waited 4 minutes before Gabby and Brett had made it to the scene. As they secured Jay down to the backboard, he began to regain his consciousness. He first moved his fingers, and when he got feeling in his arm, he subconsciously moved it towards his nose.

"Jay!" Erin practically screamed when she saw him moving. She noticed him wince at her voice before groggily opening his eyes.

"What happened?"

"Jay, can you remember anything from the last 30 minutes?" Gabby questioned.

"The last thing I can remember is leaving the station…" A pink blush crept onto his cheeks. When he looked towards Erin, she had a similar look. "I can remember getting my vest and holster on."

"Anything after that?"

"No…"

"We're going to take you into Med to get checked out. Have any pain anywhere?"

"Yeah, my nose. And my head is pounding. What happened?" Erin felt her throat tighten at his revelation, because one thing Jay Halstead never did, was complain about being hurt. She took in his disheveled appearance, noting how his eyes would likely blacken by the morning and that his nose would be swollen. She didn't notice Gabby calling out to her until he took her hand in his and gently squeezed it.

"You can ride in back, Erin. But we gotta go."

/

"Jay!" There was a hint of exasperation in her voice after she called out his name for what seemed like the 10th time since they got in the emergency room. During the ambulance ride, he started to complain about feeling fatigued and how he wanted to sleep but Gabby explained how it was imperative to stay awake until he saw a doctor. Erin was tasked with making sure he didn't fall asleep.

"What?" His voice sounded weak and it lacked the arrogant tone it usually had. She knew he was hurting bad, even if he hadn't expressed his feelings about it. He never asked about going home or having Will drop by later because he's fine, only adding to Erin's worries.

"You need to stay awake until someone checks you out."

"Erin… I can't." He whined.

"Talk about something."

"Like what?"

"Anything, tell me about a childhood memory." She watched his blue eyes close for a second before opening them again. A small smile ghosted over his lips as he reminisced about those times in Canaryville with his mom and brother.

"Did I ever tell you about one of my neighbours, ?"

"No."

"Well she was this old lady that lived down the block from us, she absolutely hated any kind of noise, especially when all us kids were out in the streets playing. For my 8th birthday, I got one of those cracker guns, the ones that sound like mini fireworks, and Will dared me to go outside her door one day and pretend that I was doing target practice with some cans. He stood behind the cans and kicked them down as I shot my gun. My back was to her front door and I didn't see her come out but when Will ran away, I turned and saw her. I began to run but whenever she wanted to chase someone away she would throw a pot of boiling water in their direction. I tripped on my shoelace because I hated tying them and the water hit my foot. I don't know if it was accidental or not but she retreated back into her house after she hit me. Will grabbed my Mom and she found me crying on the curb while I held my foot. I had to come to the emergency room because the skin above my shoe started to burn and boil. My Mom was beyond pissed. We were in the emergency room all night and the second we got out she took me to 's for an explanation. Let's just say I had never seen such a badass side of my Mom until that day. After that, never came close to Will or I and sometimes we may have purposely made extra noise outside her house, just to piss her off."

Jay chuckled as he relived the memory from his childhood. As soon as he finished, walked into his room and started his observation. He went for a CT scan and also got some facial X-Rays done. He had a severe concussion from his head hitting the concrete and his nose had a hairline fracture. instructed Erin to wake him up every 2 hours in the night to check how he was doing and if there wasn't any progress in the next 24-72 hours to bring him back.

They slowly walked hand-in-hand to the parking lot to find Erin's car that Ruzek and Atwater had dropped off while Jay was getting check out. She opened the door for him and helped him get into the car while minimal movements around his head before running over to the driver's side. She drove carefully, making sure not to come to abrupt stops or to accelerate too quickly that would cause him whiplash and nausea so it took longer than usual to get to their apartment.

She cooked dinner which consisted of reheating the leftovers for the night before. Although Jay didn't feel like eating too much, he couldn't say no to Erin when she had the worried look etched onto her face and in her eyes.

When they settled into bed, Erin set alarms on her phone for every 2 hours in the night. Voight had given her the next couple of days off to keep an eye on Jay so she would welcome the extra time they would get to sleep and to spend together. As she laid down, she cuddled into his side, draping an arm over his abs and intertwining one of her legs into both of his. She listened to the thumping of his heart, strong and steady, letting it lull her to sleep. All the worries from the day evaporated, because he was there with her, warm and cuddly, and a smile graced her face before she fell into oblivion.

/

 **PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	13. L: Lawyer

**Hey! It's been awhile since I updated this story. Enjoy :)**

 **Rated M ;)**

 _It was that lawyer that had been eyeballing her through the entire case. He had to let him know that she wasn't available._

The unit was set to testify that week after a gruelling case of trying to locate a serial killer. Their suspect, Tony Ortiz, had a liking for pregnant women. It made them sick to think about the things he did, to find the bodies of those women. They would be left on the ground, bleeding out, as if they were nothing. After the 6th murder in a matter of months, Intelligence had finally found him hiding out in a warehouse on the South Side.

"Well don't you look fancy?" Erin's voice came from behind Jay as he tied his tie around his neck. He was dressed in a black suit with a white dress shirt and a black tie. He turned around from the mirror, and his mouth instantly dried up at the look of her.

She wore a skin tight black dress with black heels that made her legs look like they went on forever. Her hair fell in loose curls effortlessly over her shoulders and she wore minimal makeup. He could feel the pressure building around his groin, and if the case hadn't been so important, he would've taken her right there.

"Could say the same for yourself." He walked up to her and pecked her lips, hands finding her hips. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me grab my purse."

"I'm driving!"

"There's no way in hell that is happening, Halstead."

/

When they pulled up to the court downtown, they were greeted with the rest of the team and their attorney. They were given a rundown of what to expect and how long the trial would likely take.

They each took their respective seats and waited on the judge and offender to be brought in. Jay caught the defendant's lawyer, Jackson Pierce, looking towards his general direction. His eyes were focused on Erin as she was engrossed in her phone. She could feel someone staring at her and caught Jackson's gaze. He tried to look away quickly, but she had caught him. Jay scoffed. Antonio and Voight testified that day in court, and soon the unit was set to leave the courthouse.

As Jay exited the washroom, he spotted Erin towards the doors, talking with Jackson. He was leaning in towards her and he was quite vocal with his hands. He seemed to have her engrossed in some story where she would occasionally laugh, dimples in full effect. He seemed too close for Jay's liking. _Only I'm allowed to make Erin laugh like that._

Before Jay could make his way to them, Jackson had received a phone call and excused himself away from Erin.

"Hey, ready to go?" Erin said a bit too cheerily.

"Hell yes." His gaze followed the lawyer as he turned a corner.

/

The next morning, Erin wore a pantsuit and Jay wore a grey suit with a black dress shirt.

"Remember what happened the last time we were in the same apartment together and you wore a pantsuit?" Heat quickly rushed into Erin's cheeks and Jay laughed at her blushing.

"You know," she walked up towards him, leaving no space in between them, toes touching. "If we had the time, I think we could have a repeat." Her hand found him through his pants and she teasingly applied pressure as she felt him tense up. "Meet you in the car, Halstead!"

And just like that, she left him in the apartment, standing alone, all worked up and bothered.

When they arrived at the courthouse and took their seats, the attorney was already there. He looked rather cleaned up today and he smiled and waved at Erin when he saw her coming in. It was as if Jay wasn't even there. _Who does this guy think he is._

"Hey, I gotta ask you-" His question was cut short as everyone rose in the courtroom as the judge came in.

Jay testified first, and then Erin. Attorney Pierce was getting too close to Erin for Jay's liking. He leaned up against the stand on his elbow and he smiled a lot at her. Jay's eyes followed him the entire time, even as Erin came back and sat down. He forcibly entwined their fingers together, relishing in the feeling that was distinctly Erin.

At lunch break, the unit stood outside together. Erin turned away from the group and began talking to someone behind Jay and when he turned around, he was met with the back of Jackson's head and a whiff of all the cologne he was wearing. He didn't want to be a crazy, overzealous boyfriend, but he couldn't help but eavesdrop into the conversation.

"I was just wondering if you'd wanna grab dinner sometime. Look you're really hot-" _Is this guy for real? How disrespectful of him. Yeah she's hot but that's not how you get a girl to grab dinner with you._ "-We can take it back to my place later?" _Your place? She didn't even get in bed with me after our first date dude. I didn't even have to take her on a date to get her in my bed._ "How about the Purple Pig?"

"I-I don't know I'm kinda-"

"C'mon, it's one date."

Erin opened her mouth to say something right as Jay turned around on the spot.

"Hey guys, car's here. Let's go." Voight's voice broke Jay out of his rage and Erin quickly walked past both of them and towards the car that Voight waited outside of, wanting to get away from Jackson.

/

The unit was being debriefed about the day's proceedings while Erin was once again, talking to Jackson. Jay stood earshot away from them, in case he needed to intervene. He was beginning to get annoyed with Jackson's persistence. _She's doesn't want you dude._

"So you never answered my question about me taking you out. How's Friday sound?"

"Look, Jackson. You're a really nice guy… but I can't, I'm seeing someone."

"He can't be better than me." There was some cockiness to his words and although his confidence reminded her of Jay, she would never go for the guy, even if she was single.

Erin shrugged her shoulders and looked past Jackson to see Jay turning towards them. The comment definitely got his attention. _He better not do anything stupid._

"Hey, _babe_." He greeted her, his gaze never leaving Jackson's. He held onto her hip and brought her closer to him. He pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her lips, breaking eye contact only to close his eyes and relish the feeling of her lips on his. Jay was all for professionalism, especially when his boss was standing no more than 10 feet away, but he had to let that lawyer know that Erin was taken.

"When he disappoints, you know where to find me." There was anger to Jackson's voice as he turned away from the couple, racing towards the door. It was almost childish, Jay thought.

"You know, you could've said no to him the first day he started flirting with you."

"Meh, he was hot." She stole another quick kiss from his lips before turning away. Jay quickly followed, his longer strides catching up to her quickly.

"I'll show _you_ hot. Just wait until I get you home." His voice got deeper and huskier and when her cheeks became pink, he smiled the smile which made her weak in the knees, before exiting out of the doors.

The unit went for dinner together, which didn't help Erin's cause. All she wanted was Jay, inside of her, at the very moment. He had gotten her all worked up and hot and now he wasn't taking her home.

When they finally did get home, Erin was expecting Jay to take her right then and there. But he toed off his shoes and went towards the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge. She was still completely flustered and it didn't help that the entire ride home, Jay kept his hand on her leg, his fingers rubbing mindless patterns into her inner thigh. _And I let the guy drive._

She followed him into the kitchen, finding him leaning against the countertop with a smug look on his face. He let his tongue run teasingly slow over his lower lip before smiling.

"Something wrong, babe?"

"No, everything's fine." _Two can play this game._

Erin retreated to their shared bedroom and let her pantsuit litter on the ground in the closet. She grabbed a box from the shelf and extracted the item before making her way into the bathroom.

/

"It's kinda hot in here, don't you think?" Erin left their bedroom 10 minutes later and walked into the living room. She found Jay reclined on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table, watching the Cubs highlights. His eyes widened so much at the sight of her that she thought they would fall out of his head.

She walked towards the kitchen in a red, lace bodysuit, which just happened to be Jay's favourite colour. Her hair was curled and it flowed easily as she walked. She put on a bit more makeup in the bathroom, making sure to put on a matching lipstick.

"I'm going to grab a beer, want another one?" He blinked at her, but nodded his head slowly. She turned around and continued to her destination, putting some extra swing into her hips.

When she closed the door to the fridge, she was met with Jay's hands on her hips. She turned around and saw the familiar darkness in his eyes, the one he got when he needed her. He grabbed the two beers from her hands and placed them down to the counter. She shivered when his hands, albeit warm, came into contact with the skin on her back. He placed a kiss onto her neck where he knew it was most sensitive and smiled when her body erupted in goosebumps.

Her hands went to the buttons of his dress shirt, but he shook his head and grabbed her smaller hands in his.

"Not yet, I haven't even started with you. It's not nice to tease you know." His hands went to cup the backs of her thighs and he picked her up effortlessly.

He placed her down gently on the edge of the bed, letting his arms bear the weight on either side of her as his lips found her neck again. She let out a soft moan at the contact and he smiled as he travelled down towards her collarbone. He continued worshipping her body until his mouth was met with fabric.

He hooked his fingers underneath the strap of one side of the bodysuit and slowly pulled it down. His fingers made contact with Erin's skin as they slid down and her skin once again erupted into goosebumps. He did the same thing on the other side before slipping the lacy fabric down her legs, letting it pool on the ground. He pushed her up higher onto the bed, letting her head rest on the pillows as he began to undo his shirt buttons. His black shirt met her red lace on the ground, soon forgotten.

He teased her, waiting for her to beg for her release. But Erin was stubborn, so she held it in. He let his fingers circle around her clit, occasionally grazing it but never putting enough pressure. She bucked her hips, trying to catch him off guard, but he was always too quick.

"What'd you call that attorney back at the courthouse? Hot, right?" Jay looked down towards Erin and chuckled when he saw her biting her bottom lip. "Oh, you don't remember? I guess I'll just have to force the answer out of you."

He positioned himself in between her legs, holding her hips down with his hands. He felt her tense underneath him as his tongue made contact. He would let her get close to her release, but as her body would begin to shake, he'd stop. He would be greeted with a frustrated groan every single time. There was some light coming in from the living room and he could see her glistening wet. He smiled before continuing.

"Jay…" After the third time, he knew he had her. He put her so close but he was skilled enough to make it stop when he needed.

"Yes?"

"Please."

"Please what?"

"I need to come right now."

"Hmm, I don't think you _need_ to." He smirked at her devilishly before getting up from his position. "Wow, a guy's shoulders will get tired in that position."

He straddled her waist and stretched out his arms before going in for a kiss. Erin turned her head away from him, much to his surprise.

"What's wrong?" He smirked.

"Nothing."

"Then why'd you turn away from me?"

"No reason. Guess I was thinking if Jackson would treat me like this." Jay sat motionless, his knees bearing most of his weight.

"You didn't just go there."

"Oh, I think I did."

"You're going to wish you didn't say that."

"Why? What're you going to do?" Erin asked in a sing-song voice.

Jay grabbed both of her hands in his and placed them above her head.

"You're not allowed to move."

"And what if I do?" She knew she was going too far, but she didn't care.

"You won't like my punishments." His finger trailed down her arms, making her squirm. "Don't. Move."

She tried to recompose herself but when the pads of his thumbs met her nipples, she knew he had already won. He didn't let his thumbs linger for too long, before he lowered his mouth and let his tongue do the work. Her moan sent blood rushing towards his groin as the familiar pressure built up. Even he knew he wouldn't last long so he had to be quick.

He kissed down the valley of her breasts and lingers a bit at her naval. He lifted his lips as his fingers began toying with her again, instantly being coated in her wetness. He didn't let them enter too far, wanting to keep her on the brink until he was ready.

"I can see you moving down on my fingers, Er."

She didn't say anything, she just continued breathing heavily. He knew it was time for her to have her first release when he was sure he was going to explode. He moved his fingers out and let his thumb rub on her button, letting the friction bring her into ecstasy. As she rode it out, he unbuckled his pants and inserted himself in, much to her surprise. He set a pace that was comfortable for the both of them and her pulsating walls felt good. As her second round of pleasure began to form, he exploded inside of her.

His mind was dazed but he still finished up and pulled out as she went through her wave. He collapsed next to her on the bed, his nose nuzzled into her hair. He waited for both of their heart rates to relax before he found his voice again.

"So, you really think Jackson's hot, huh?" She giggled into his chest before answering.

"He's alright, but I don't think he could get me to orgasm as great as you." She smiled and turned towards him, kissing him deeply.

/

 **Please Review!**


	14. M: Mellifluous

**Something short and sweet :)**

 _It was the sound of her voice during one of his nightmares, mellifluous was an understatement_

Jay Halstead first heard Erin Lindsay's laugh on his first day in Intelligence. He was sitting at his desk, taking in his surroundings when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She was deep in conversation with Antonio; the way she threw her head back and the way the sunshine reflected off of her face made his heart flutter. He knew at that exact moment he would do anything to hear that laugh for the rest of his life.

She held a cup of coffee in each hand, placing one down on his desk before extending it as she smiled at him. Her grip was firm and strong, much to his surprise despite her petite frame.

"You must be Halstead." He nodded. "Lindsay." Her voice made him smile and he hoped and prayed to all the Gods listening that she would sing lullabies to his children some day.

He loved that even when she was sick, the rasp of her voice remained and it was still light. He loved how quickly she could change her tone of voice from the loud and booming one when interrogating suspects to a soft and delicate one when talking to kids. The only time he could hear the sound of her voice change was whenever she was dead-tired from working a gruelling case, when the caffeine she drank liberally wasn't keeping up with her. When he could hear her losing her sanity due to the exasperation present in her tone.

Then he started sleeping next to her.

Her morning voice was extremely delicate, even with the pronounced rasp in it. Delicate: When a child is admiring something and they don't want to speak too loud and ruin the moment, so they whisper despite their excitement. Delicate: How a mother speaks to her child, soft and gentle and compassionate. Just as a mother should. Delicate: When a baby wraps their entire hand around your finger and you realize how precious life is.

Delicate: When her soft voice would travel through the convolutions of his brain during one of his nightmares.

She could feel how restless he was in his sleep. He shifted his positions frequently and he woke up multiple times in the night, his breathing patterns varying. Every time he did, she held her breath, hoping he would once again find the eternal bliss that was sleep. The unit had picked up a difficult case, and sleep was something they weren't getting much of. Their waking hours consisted of constant trips to the break room or the coffee house down the street, before sitting back in front of files on their respective desks. They occasionally got the adrenaline pump of a raid, only to fall short.

He was more sweaty than normal, and Erin automatically knew he was having nightmares. Every time he woke up, he would be pulled back into reality, into safety that isn't the hot desert sand of Afghanistan. It hadn't been that bad that night, considering he was getting back to sleep easy after every time he woke up.

Until he began thrashing and calling out in his dream.

He nudged her arm lightly by accident, waking her from her slumber. When she turned her head to face him, she knew he was asleep. It was his incoherent rambles and the jerks of his limbs that were his tell-tale sign of his torture.

She would do what she always did, first moving her hand through his hair, collecting some of his sweat before bringing it down towards his earlobe, rubbing small circles. His mother used to do it, he told her. Whenever he or Will weren't feeling well, she would rub the skin on his ear to lull him into a peaceful oblivion.

But Erin did it to wake him from his hostile unconsciousness.

She would whisper reassurances into the ear closer to her.

 _You're okay._

 _Just wake up for me._

 _You're safe._

 _You have me._

 _Don't worry._

 _You're fine._

When he would wake up, confused to the dead weight on his chest from her arm and the feeling of her thumb and index finger tickling his ear, his mind would be comforted by her voice. It was the sound of her voice during one of his nightmares, mellifluous was an understatement.

It's times like these when he thinks about when he almost lost her. When she was drinking herself to forget about her pain around people he had never seen before; being goaded by her excuse of a mother to "lend" her money for some pills that would leave her craving for more.

It was times when he was locked in Derek Keyes' basement with fists pounding his ribcage and the taser disrupting the rhythm in his body that he thought about her voice, about what she would say to him.

 _Stay strong._

 _They're coming to get you._

 _Please keep holding on._

 _I miss you._

 _I'm sorry._

He was sure that he was hallucinating when she was standing in front of the desk, hands in her pockets, her back to him as he was thrown down onto the couch. But when her voice said his name, he knew it was real, that he was safe. Because the only thing that that raspy voice meant to him was safety and security. Stability. Something he craved his entire life for. And she was the one person to provide that for him. A debt he couldn't repay.

It was times like this, in the middle of the night when he knew she was exhausted, yet she let him rest his head on her chest while she raked her fingers through his hair, telling him that everything was going to be all right.

And he knew it would be.

Because even though he would never stop dreaming of that God-forsaken place where the heat pricked at his skin or hearing his father's abusive words ringing through his brain, he knew that as long as he could hear her voice, everything would be okay.

/

 **Please Review**


	15. N: Numb

**A/N: I am so sorry that I have left this story behind, but I have returned with another one! I changed this prompt and it will be listed below. I wanted to write a post 3x14 (Greg Yates escaped prison) fic because as I was rewatching it, I wanted to write something Linstead about it. Credits to queseraone/quesera1 (depends on what website you're on) for helping me brainstorm. Thank you for the patience, xo.**

 **N: Numb**

 _Numb (adj.) - deprived of the power of sensation; (verb) - deprive of feeling or responsiveness_

Ever since Erin got back to Chicago, Jay was on edge. She seemed so detached from the world, likely stuck in the hell her mind was putting her through. She definitely wasn't eating considering her appetite was the first to go whenever she was stressed. And judging by the dark circles that were tainting the pale skin under her eyes, she wasn't sleeping. He tried so hard all day to lift her spirits, but the looming threat of a serial killer on the loose was making all his efforts hopeless.

She seemed to be numb to everything going on around her; her sole task was to find Greg yates. And he knew she didn't care at this point whether or not he was dead or alive. She was unemotional when he asked about her knee; there was probably still a dull ache present but she was just masking her pain with the job. Something they all did. But she assured him that she was fine and he quickly changed the subject to the case. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms, especially since she decided against going to his apartment the night before. He was aching to comfort her. But he gave her space, because he knew he would want it too in her situation.

Voight had her ride with him for the day, and Jay honestly didn't mind; she was as safe with their sergeant as she was with him. When they had arrived on scene of a triple murder - which later escalated to a quadruple murder - the team let Erin and Voight go in first, but he followed closely behind. He was her partner, and he would have her back.

The most haunting part of his day was when he ran his hand through the still warm water, knowing they just missed Yates by the skin of their teeth. Knowing that they were so close to making sure Erin was safe again. If he thinks about it long enough, he can still feel the water on his skin; a reminder of what that man had been capable of.

Relief was an understatement to what he felt when Voight was taking her back to the station as he left with Atwater. They quickly made their way over to the car, but he had to stop in his tracks when he heard Erin and Voight's conversation. The tone of voice she used was angry and exasperated; he knew she felt useless but he currently wouldn't have it any other way.

" _Let me be bait."_

Voight's reply sounded mumbled as he tried to listen in to their conversation; but he knew the man would never do something so dangerous to risk Erin's life. No, she was too important for that to happen. Atwater honking the horn from the driver's side of his car brought his attention back to what was important, but he took a look back and Erin and gave her a warm smile when he saw that she was looking at him.

A mixed feeling of relief and guilt overwhelmed him when he found out that Nellie Carr was kidnapped by Yates. It meant that currently, he was occupied, and his attention may be taken off of Erin for a while. But Jay knew he was a serial killer, and if it meant killing Nellie to get to Erin, he would do it in a heartbeat. Another innocent person would be murdered.

When Antonio called him and Atwater towards Yates' car, adrenaline coursed through his veins. Maybe they had found something that would help locate the psychopath, but instead, there was a note. "Too bad you're at the station Erin, you're missing all the fun." His blood boiled as he read out the statement. They were always so close to catching him, but every single time, they missed. It was like taking a shot at a basketball hoop and watching the ball spin around the rim before falling over the edge. It was like needing to scratch an itch that he couldn't reach and when he could reach it, the itch would only return.

When the guys made it back to the district later, his heart sunk in his chest. The whole district was standing outside, away from the building. As he made his way over to the group, he heard the word 'bomb' being thrown around by the uniformed patrolmen and women. Erin looked very distant as she shivered in the cold but she smiled at him as he approached. Voight stood next to her and he knew wrapping her up in his arms, even if it was an attempt to warm her up, wouldn't go unnoticed by their sergeant. So he stood behind them and kept a hand on the small of her back and he felt her relax slightly, her shoulders releasing some of the tension they held onto.

Later that night in the garage, as the unit loaded their weapons, he could feel Erin's presence around him. He wished that she would be there with the team, in his sight, but the stakes were too high. Hoping to ease her nerves, he gave her one last comforting look before closing the door behind him. It pained him to leave her behind while all of them were gone out, but he had to muffle his thoughts and emotions knowing that ultimately, everything they were doing was for her safety.

When he witnessed Voight quickly leaving the scene, he knew something was wrong; there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't ignore. He decided against calling her, and instead called his best friend. With shaking hands he ended the call and exhaled deeply in the night air. They talked about not going in without backup after the last time almost got her killed. His nightmares would forever be plagued with the sight of her with a knife against her throat. Yet again, here she was, walking in without backup to take on a serial killer.

His knee shook involuntarily as he anxiously sat at his desk, waiting for them to return. The unit had no idea what was going on, but from the information from Mouse, they knew that Yates was located at his childhood residence. They weren't gone for long before he heard them coming up the stairs from the garage. She was shaking and it looked like she wanted to cry. He couldn't care less at this moment of what the unit or his boss saw, but he took her into the break room and hugged her as if his life depended on it.

The photo of Nadia would soon make it somewhere into her apartment, he knew. Maybe a frame or maybe she would keep it in one of the drawers in her bedside table. But it would be there; something to remember her by.

"And you, you doing okay." He asked gently, yet cautiously. He couldn't afford for her to become closed off, especially with what happened over the course of the day.

"I don't know yet." She replied almost apathetically. He took her answer, knowing that a hug or a kiss would be inappropriate under the watchful eyes of two sergeants. He would have to wait until they were alone to do that. So he nodded his head and continued to clear the board with Ruzek.

A mix of emotions coursed through his veins when he heard her agreeing to drinks with Benson. Disappointment, relief and fear. He wanted to collapse with her into his bed, but he knew she needed some time to de-stress. He just hoped it wouldn't be through an alcohol binge. He knew she wouldn't go back to her apartment that night, it would probably be a few nights before she felt comfortable enough to be in that apartment alone. He texted her telling her to come to his place instead, and she replied quickly with a neutral 'okay.'

She wasn't drunk when she finally stepped into his apartment. He heard the key he gave to her click into the lock before she made her way through the doorway. Her eyes were glossy, like she wanted to cry, but he was glad that she listened and came over. Making his way around the couch, he met her at the door, his bare toes grazing against her boots.

The couch was her favourite place to lay her jacket when she was tired, and that's where it landed with a thud when she tossed it while simultaneously taking off her boots. Her eyes watched his as she waited for him to talk, knowing that he held so many questions about that day. Questions she didn't feel like answering.

"Hey." He greeted timidly.

"Hey." Her tone of voice was flat, devoid of any emotion. She was surprised that her voice didn't break, although it was barely above a whisper.

"How was drinks with Benson?"

She cleared her throat before speaking. "It was fine, just talked a lot. You're still awake?"

"Uh… yeah. Just wanted to wait up for you. You know, I wanted to hug you back in the bullpen, but I didn't wanna overwhelm you." He looked almost scared to say those words and she knew that he was as his forehead lined with wrinkles.

"Yeah…"

"So… how you holding up?" He finally asked the question that had been burning his mind throughout the day and when he finished speaking, he watched her break. She was shaking her head and her eyes were glazing over with fresh tears.

"I'm not. Th-Those four nurses would be alive right now if I didn't stop for that little girl." The tears finally made their way down her cheeks as her voice shook. "I had him!" She cried. Stubbornly, she wiped the tears off of her cheeks, only to be replaced by more. "I had him and if I took my chance… they would've been alive. Nellie's Dad, he would've been alive! Five people died in the span of a day. And it was all my fault!" She wanted to scream, to release a bit of the pain she was feeling. But it wasn't helping. Controlling her tears now was no longer an option, and the only reason why the were no longer dripping down her face was because Jay's shirt began to absorb them. He ran his hand up and down her back at a steady pace as he listened to her sobs.

"Shhhh." He soothed gently. He felt her breathing become ragged and heavy and he knew she was about to have a panic attack soon. He moved both of them onto the couch where he sat down and held her in his lap, letting her release her emotions from the case. Soon, he shifted positions when her tears stopped and laid against the side of his couch.

While they were reclined on the couch, she fell asleep with her face buried in his neck, her panic attack absorbing the last of the energy she had out of her. Jay was relieved when he felt the steady rise and fall of her chest against his. She would sleep heavily, the events of the past week taking a toll on her. So he took her phone out of her pocket and turned off the alarm; Voight would definitely allow both of them a couple of days off after what happened. Her face looked so relaxed and serene that he didn't have the heart to move them towards the bed. So he spent the night on the couch, rubbing his arm up and down her arms and back before succumbing to sleep himself.

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 **Please leave me a review :)**


	16. O: Oblivion

_His kisses were so powerful, that she was sure that they led her into oblivion_

Fantasizing about Jay Halstead was easily one of Erin's favourite things to do. There was just something about the way he walked, talked and simply, existed that made her feel something in the pit of her stomach; a feeling she had never felt before. But she was pretty sure she liked it.

She fantasized about his arms and how it would feel to be wrapped up in them, making her feel safe and warm and cozy. She always wondered what it would feel like to fall asleep as he held her—with no worry in the world—and hopefully one day she wouldn't have to wonder because they would hold her as she slept every night. The way his muscles would twist and clench under his shirt when they were out on a raid definitely distracted her a couple of times. _Damn that navy blue henley._ She wondered what his biceps would feel like under her fingertips; how they would flex and move as he would bear his weight on them when he would be hovering over her. Would they shake when she pleasured his body? Or would the muscles become rigid from tension? What would they look like when they pleasured her? Sure enough just staring at his arms was enough pleasure.

She fantasized about things she shouldn't be fantasizing about. It was difficult not to think about it when he would perch himself on the corner of a desk and his pants would tighten around his crotch. She would take a quick look before reminding herself that the entire unit—including her father figure—were standing around her and that the blush on her cheeks was unnatural when talking about a homicide or a drug run gone wrong. She'd remember that one undercover night in the sex club, five hours of absolute torture. The sheen layer of sweat on his forehead and the way he kept running his hands against his pants while averting his eyes from _everything_ had her lips pulling into a smile. He balanced one foot on top of the other while she leaned against him, hoping to hide the fact that his pants were getting tighter. But unluckily for him, he was unsuccessful. She laughed at the way his eyes widened when she slowly dragged her tongue across her lower lip before biting down on it.

"Erin, please don't."

"Why, what's wrong? We're in a _sex_ club after all."

"Voight would kill me, knock it off. Everyone is already probably having wrong ideas, it's been _hours_."

She would laugh it off then but inevitably, she'd have to slip her fingers into her pants while laying in bed, her mind full of images of him.

She fantasized about his lips. They looked soft and she'd be kidding herself if she didn't sneak a look at them from time to time when he was speaking. He had a habit where he would run his tongue along his lower lip, and for some reason, her knees would start to shake and tremors would go through her body as she thought about what his tongue could do to her. But the best thing about his lips, were the kisses they gave her. The kisses on her cheeks when she would be half asleep; the kisses when she'd be awake in the middle of the night, crying, from a panic attack. Nonetheless, his best kisses were when he would have her pinned down to their bed where she would think about them being so powerful, that she was sure that they led her into oblivion.

Sure Erin loved to fantasize about Jay, but getting to sleep next to him every night was better than any fantasy she had ever thought up of. Even though they had been dating for a while, she would still find herself staring at him in awe. Currently, she sat on her stool with Kim and Adam chatting on the opposite side of the table at Molly's while Jay was paying for their night. She watched his actions from pulling out his wallet from his back pocket to inserting his credit card into the machine while he talked to Gabby. He was smiling and Erin found herself subconsciously smiling as well. Turning away from the counter, Jay made his way back to the table.

"Ready to go, babe?" His voice broke her out of her reverie and she found him looking down at her in concern. "What's up?"

"Nothing." She smiled. "Was just thinking about some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You."

"Thinking about my rugged good looks and razor sharp mind again?"

"Not quite. Can't believe I got so lucky."

"Honestly, I think I'm the lucky one."

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 **Trying to find my muse, be kind. xo**


	17. P: Pounding

**A/N: This one is really short and sweet and if I'm being honest I was thinking about my other story** _ **Maybe One Day**_ **as I wrote it. Check it out :)**

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 _It was the sound of little feet pounding against the hardwood floor that brought a smile to their faces as they woke up_

There's a lot of good ways to wake up in the morning: from the smell of fresh coffee undulating the air, to taking a hot shower until your skin turns red, or even just shifting your position in bed to fall asleep again. For Jay and Erin, the ideal morning started wrapped up in each other, limbs tangled. Jay was always an early riser—wanting to get a workout in before starting his day—so whenever Erin could convince him to stay in bed and cuddle with her, it was a win. She loved the way his body instantly warmed her up on cold winter mornings or the way her skin would erupt in goosebumps whenever he would run his fingers over a sensitive spot.

Some mornings they weren't so lucky; a phone call from their sergeant would be forcing them out of bed and into their work clothing because there was a murder, or a robbery, or a kidnapping. Those mornings were the hardest. Running on coffee and whatever snacks were available at the coffee house left them longing for the king-sized bed and the smell of eggs and bacon frying in the comfort of their apartment.

Days off were the greatest mornings; not having any obligations and lounging around under the covers all day had no repercussions. Days off also meant that they could work out together, covered by the sheets, but no doubt still sweating.

But the best mornings, those never happened until years down the road; years in which neither Jay or Erin saw themselves living. The house would be quiet, omit the sounds of the heat running or the ventilation doing its job, before the sound of little feet pounding the hardwood would reverberate throughout the house. It was a sound that Jay and Erin trained themselves to wake up to, just in case the kids needed something. They had heard that sound running towards the master bedroom in the middle of the night—when a nightmare seemed too real or running towards the bathroom when one of the kids weren't feeling too well. But most days, the sound of those feet came directly to the bedroom.

It was the way they launched themselves onto the bed before jumping up and down to wake their parents up that put smiles on their faces. Some people may have found that thought or action to be annoying, but for Jay and Erin, it was something they would never swap.

There was just something about seeing their kids' smiling faces—hair messy from sleep—that brought a happy, warm feeling over them. The excitement would be succeeded with some morning cuddles before the sound of gurgling bellies would force the family into the kitchen for some much needed coffee and breakfast.

Undoubtedly, those mornings were the best.

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 **Leave me a review! Ten more prompts to go!**


	18. Q: Queasy

**A/N: I decided to change this one :)**

 _Q: Queasy_

She left home that morning feeling completely normal. She was in a bit of a rush because she overslept, forcing her to stop by a Starbucks on the way into work. She was the second last one to arrive in the bullpen, only to be followed by the cause of her exhaustion.

He went home to change out of the clothes he wore the day before—not wanting to risk any of the guys noticing that he never went home last night. Erin had woken up for a few minutes when his warmth evaporated from her bed as he went around her bedroom picking up his clothes, but she was soon asleep again when she heard the click of the front door.

Maybe rounds three and four weren't such a great idea.

His hair was messier than usual considering he didn't have time to style it and the dark circles under his eyes were a stark contrast compared to his skin. He tossed his hoodie onto his chair before making a beeline towards the break room. Erin could feel her cheeks flushing pink as she watched him—he was _so_ hot.

Everyone's attention was brought to the front of the room when Voight emerged from his office, clearing his throat. He slapped a couple of photos onto the whiteboard, victims bloodied and strangled. Usually, Erin didn't get affected by grotesque pictures similar to the ones she looked at now, however her stomach started to churn. She hoped it was just gas, but when she felt the acidic burn in her esophagus, she knew she needed to get to the bathroom quick.

After returning to the bullpen, both Voight and Halstead threw her questioning, worried looks. She brushed them both off—without Voight noticing _someone else_ was listening to her too—saying that it must've been because she eaten breakfast too quickly. They were the only three left, and when Erin looked around at the empty chairs, Voight gave the two partners their task.

Her head was spinning so much that she even let Jay drive without hesitation. She felt like she was going to hurl at any second, but she didn't dare to tell Jay that. He already looked worried enough.

"Erin, are you sure—"

"Jay, I'm fine. Let's just go question this son of a bitch so we can get back." Jay watched as Erin buckled herself in before blasting the heat in the car. He shook his head and sighed at her stubbornness before pulling out of the parking lot.

After returning to the district, Erin made her way into the breakroom, needing something to warm her insides. She held herself up with the counter as she waited for the coffee to finish brewing, but she could feel herself swaying as if she was intoxicated. Although her eyes were closed and his footsteps were light, she could feel him in the room. She always could.

"Please." It was that one word out of desperation that had her caving in. Jay was right, she wasn't fit to work. She didn't want to risk injuring—or worse—end up getting him killed just because she wasn't feeling well. The risks were too great.

When she made it back to her apartment, she texted Jay to let him know she arrived. He was worried something would happen to her considering she didn't want to drive earlier, so he begged for her to keep him updated. The only thing she needed to do now was take a hot shower and a long nap.

It was dark by the time he got home. He was thankful she decided to give him a key a while ago—for emergencies. There were no lights on in the apartment so after dropping his keys on the table near the door, he made his way into the kitchen and turned on the light.

The apartment looked just like it did when he left that morning—no dirty dishes in the sink and the coffee pot was still empty. He stopped in the living room on his way to the bedroom, noticing that Erin had shed her boots and coat and left them haphazardly laying on the floor. She didn't call out to him yet, so he assumed she must be sleeping.

His nostrils were invaded with the sickly odour when he crossed the threshold of the bedroom. Erin was laying spread out on the bed under two blankets and the floor was littered with scrunched up napkins. There was a waste basket next to the bed and after peeking into it, there was evidence that she had been sick again throughout the day.

Choosing to let her sleep for a little bit more, Jay went back to the kitchen to get the chicken noodle soup and crackers he brought home ready. He also got her a tall glass of water, knowing she would be dehydrated. He also bought a couple of bottles of Sprite, Gatorade and ginger ale and placed them in the fridge. Erin liked her drinks cold.

After putting some food on a tray, he took it back into the bedroom and placed it down on her bedside table.

"Erin…" He whispered, shaking her shoulder lightly. "Erin, wake up."

"Hmmm." She groaned, clearly annoyed with being woken up.

"You need to get up and get something in your stomach."

"Too tired. Just lemme sleep. I'll eat in the morning."

Jay watched her drift off to sleep again, soft snores escaping her open mouth. "Erin. C'mon." His voice was stern, as is he was chastising a child. "You at least need some water. If you can't keep anything down then we need to get you to the hospital." That did the trick.

Slowly, Erin sat up and with help from Jay, readjusted her pillows. She reclined back on them as Jay placed the tray across her lap.

"How about some water first? Some slow sips may help settle your stomach." He held the glass to her lips, noticing she didn't have the strength to hold onto it herself. After she drank a quarter, he put it back down. "Feeling okay?" Erin nodded her head in reply and watched as Jay stirred the soup. "You think you'll be able to eat a few bites?"

Determined to do it herself, Erin took the spoon from Jay's hand and ate the soup at her own speed. She didn't miss the worried look on his face as he watched her, so she did her best to eat as much as she could. "You're too good to me." Her voice was low and raspy and Jay had to strain to hear what she was saying.

"Yeah, well I love you." Jay's eyes widened at his words. "I mean, you know—" Erin's laugh cut him off before he could ramble. He was so cute when he was flustered. "Are you done? How about a few more sips of water and then I'll let you sleep?" Erin followed his directions and settled back under the covers when he moved the tray away.

"Are you staying tonight?" She looked like a small child under the covers that were pulled up to her nose.

"Would you like me to?" Jay smirked, already knowing the answer.

"Please."

"Of course. I'll wait for you to fall asleep before I grab dinner." He sat down on the edge of the bed, combing his fingers through her hair. She was fighting sleep, he could tell by the way her eyes would continue to shoot open.

Eventually, she could no longer keep her eyes open, and she fell into a hopefully restful slumber. Jay turned off the lamp on her bedside table before grabbing the tray and making his way back into the kitchen. He prepared himself his own dinner—the same as Erin's—and settled himself in front of the TV. The Hawks game was still on and even though he knew they weren't going to make it to the playoffs, it was still a good way for him to pass the time until he was tired enough to go to bed.

Closer to midnight, he snuck into the bedroom and shed himself of his work clothes before sneaking under the covers. He hoped she wouldn't wake up—she really needed the rest, but he wasn't lucky enough. She shifted in the bed and immediately curled into his body, letting out a content sigh. He stayed as still as possible, waiting for her breathing to even out. When he was sure she fell asleep again, he moved into a more comfortable position. He was almost asleep himself when he heard her whispered words.

"I love you too, Jay."

* * *

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	19. R: Red Eye

_She was always so grumpy when she didn't get enough sleep_

"I can't believe the only flight we could get is the one that takes off at midnight!" Erin complained as she packed her suitcase. She and Jay were going on a late honeymoon and after a long day at work, all she wanted to do was sleep. But she couldn't. She had to pack her bag and head to the airport. She knew she would spend the first day of her vacation sleeping, but she didn't want to sleep! She wanted to see the sights—she wanted to sunbathe on the beach! "And wipe that stupid smirk off your face." Erin didn't even have to turn around to know that her husband was laughing at her. He was leaning against the door frame to their bedroom, watching her throw her clothes into the suitcase.

"I'm only laughing because you left all your packing to the last minute and if you hadn't, you could've napped before leaving." Jay approached the bed, grabbing some of the clothes around Erin's bag before folding it neatly and putting it in the suitcase. "Maybe you'll be able to sleep on the flight?" He offered with a sound of hope in his voice.

"I'd be sleeping an hour, tops, since we have to get on _four_ separate flights." Erin sighed.

"At least we'll be away from the snow for a week, think about that."

Chicago winters were hell, everyone knew that. The snow made it almost impossible to drive without slipping and in their field, chasing a suspect was probably one of the more dangerous parts of their day.

Jay was right, she should be focusing on the beach view she was going to have in Bali for the next week.

"We gotta get going if we're gonna make it in time."

* * *

"You know, if you actually sit still, you'd be able to fall asleep." Jay whispered over to Erin. He sat in the window seat—mindlessly reading one of the tabloids his seat had—while Erin leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I can't get comfy, it's impossible to sleep sitting up. How do people do this?!" Erin removed her eye mask and pouted at her husband. "How did you ever get sleep in the military?"

"Well that was actually the easy part. You'd be so tired that sleep came easy. And damn was it a luxury back then."

"But I'm _exhausted_." Erin whined.

"Well, we're only on this flight for an hour. Maybe you can sleep during the next one? It's a longer flight." Jay closed the magazine and shifted to face his wife. "And maybe not drinking coffee could help too?" Jay smirked as he looked over at the empty coffee cup on Erin's tray table.

"Not happening."

"Well, close your eyes then. Just rest." Jay gently moved the eye mask from Erin's forehead back over her eyes. He slowly combed his fingers through her hair, hoping that it would relax her. He felt bad. The dark circles under her eyes were deep and purple. If there was any way he could get her to a bed at that moment, he would move heaven and Earth to make it possible. But all he could do right now, was serve as a body pillow.

Soon enough, they were landing in Lexington. Their flight path wasn't ideal. They flew from Chicago to Kentucky and would fly out to Los Angeles from there before finally jumping onto a plane that would take them to Bali via Seoul. The last two flights would take them over twenty hours to get to their destination.

Jay had no problem with sitting that long on an airplane. He'd been on a few flights that took him from Arlington to Afghanistan via Germany which took almost two days, but it was Erin he worried about. She couldn't sit still for that long and having to sit in a seat the whole way was sure to make her uncomfortable. Maybe he should've booked first class seats, it was their honeymoon after all. The expensive seats would probably be worth it.

He wanted to keep her moving in the airport—even though it was two in the morning—so he surprised her with ice cream. They walked around, going through all the gift shops and little stores the airport had to offer while munching on their frozen treats.

After an hour, they made their way towards the gate and occupied a couple of the seats. They had exhausted all the sights possible and it was too dark to admire the view so they resorted to social media on their phones to pass the time. The next hour passed quickly and before they knew it, they were boarding the plane, on their way to Los Angeles.

* * *

"Jay." Erin whispered as she shook his shoulder. She felt guilty for trying to wake him up, but she was _really_ uncomfortable. They had made it to Bali the day before but exhausted was an understatement as to how they felt. They checked into their hotel and spent most of the day sleeping and unpacking their things—Erin was surprised she didn't fall asleep in the shower, the hot water felt therapeutic on her stiff muscles. They explored the beach for a bit and watched the sunset before heading back to their room. Almost immediately after falling into bed, they were both in a heavy and peaceful slumber. "Jay, wake up."

"Hmm." He groaned, his eyes still closed but he was undoubtedly listening.

"I can't sleep."

"What time is it?" Jay's voice was deep and groggy as he adjusted his position to face Erin.

"3:30."

"C'mere." Jay opened his arms and waited to feel her back against his chest. He rubbed his hand soothingly up and down her arms, knowing it usually put her to sleep. He could still feel her uneven breathing a few minutes later and realized she wasn't even close to being asleep. "What's up?"

"I don't know, I just don't feel like I can sleep anymore." She felt so stupid debating whether or not she wanted to ask him what was on her mind. He was her _husband_ after all. He should have no problem agreeing. She turned in his arms to be face to face with him before peppering his jaw with kisses. When she looked towards his eyes, she noticed that they were still closed, as if he had fallen asleep again. "Jay…"

"Hm."

"Could we—uh, you know." Erin had no idea why she was stumbling over her words. "Could we have sex?"

Jay's eyes shot open at her words and his lips spread into a smile. "You should've started with that."

He kicked the sheets off of their legs so he could rid himself of his pyjama bottoms before climbing on top of her and smashing his lips onto hers. His hands explored her warm skin before he sunk them in the depths of her brown curls. She moaned as he pressed his erection against her own pyjama bottoms, wanting access to her. Slowly, Jay moved his hands from her hair and grabbed the bottom of her shirt.

"Off." He demanded, leaning away from her slightly so she could follow his direction. "These too." He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pants and underwear and pushed them down her legs in one swift motion.

As he positioned himself back on top of her, she squeezed his muscular arms, feeling the dips and crevices differentiating his biceps from his triceps. She gasped when she felt him push inside of her, setting a pace quickly.

When her breathing became more ragged, he sped up in hopes of giving her what she needed.

"C'mon, Erin." His voice sounded possessive as slipped a hand between them to provide more friction and it sent shivers down her spine.

"I'm trying…" She replied through gritted teeth. "Almost there." As if on cue, she felt her walls tightening against him and the feeling soon had her going over the edge.

"God, you feel so amazing." Jay pumped faster, only slowing as he felt his balls squeezing and released inside of her.

After he finished, he slowly slid off of Erin and embraced her in his arms again, smiling as he noticed her eyes fluttering.

* * *

She _needed_ him.

God she was so insatiable.

It was those _arms_.

When he was at the beach all shirtless and delicious looking, she couldn't stop herself from staring. If he was walking in front of her, she'd get an amazing view of his toned back—one she's scratched at dozens of times and will no doubt be scratching at it more in a couple of minutes.

She only had to send him one look before he would raise the sunglasses off his face and look down at her with a smirk on his face and an eyebrow raised.

So they did it on the beach in a desolate cabana away from other couples.

And again in the change rooms at the beach house.

And in the gender neutral bathroom at their restaurant during dinner the third night.

And they even had a quickie as they were getting changed for their couples massage.

So even though Erin didn't get as much rest during her vacation as she hoped, it was still worth it.

* * *

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	20. S: S'mores

**I changed this prompt because one night this idea just came to me.**

 **S - S'mores**

 **She had never been camping before**

* * *

Chicago had been hit hard by a snowstorm. Luckily, the Intelligence Unit didn't have any high profile cases, allowing the team to hunker down in their respectives homes and away from the dangerous elements. Jay and Erin sat on the couch in their apartment—cuddled up together under a blanket—while they looked at photo albums from Jay's childhood.

There were so many pictures.

They ranged from every holiday possible—Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday parties. She was seeing Jay's life through all these pictures.

Most of the pictures were of camping trips with his grandfather. Erin could see how much Jay resembled him—same kind, green eyes; same lopsided grin; and same freckles. One picture in particular caught her eye. Jay and Will were sitting beside the campfire on log stools—along with their grandparents—roasting marshmallows with happiness etched onto their faces. Jay couldn't have been more than seven years old in the picture. He had a little curl in his hair and his lips were pursed as he blew on his marshmallow, unaware of the picture being taken.

"You were so adorable." Erin commented softly, still marvelling at the photo.

"Is there where you say 'what happened?'" Jay replied seriously, looking at Erin's face. "Because my rugged good looks stayed with me for life."

"I wasn't going to say that." Erin chuckled as her hand rubbed his stubbled cheek lovingly.

"What's up?" Jay asked as he noticed the light fading in her eyes.

"It's nothing." She commented brushing him off. "You just have some really good memories. I've actually never been camping."

"Ever?!"

"Ever." Erin confirmed. "Although I guess bundling up with as many sheets as you can find when the heat's turned off could count." She watched the emotion on his face change from surprise to guilt. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No… No, it's fine." Jay replied, his voice sounding like it was far away. His eyes were no longer looking at her or the photo album, instead they were in a daze as his mind was deep in thought.

"When was this?" Erin asked bringing his attention back to her.

"That was Will's fifth birthday." Jay laughed as he looked down at the picture. Both his and Will's cheeks had cake frosting smeared all over and Jay was crying because of the clown that his mom had hired. "I'm still traumatized from that day… Actually, you know what? I wanna try something." Quickly he stood up and took the album from Erin's lap before placing it onto the coffee table. "Gather as many blankets and pillows as you can."

"Uh… why?" Erin said skeptically as she slowly stood up.

"I have an idea, just trust me okay?" Jay quickly ran into the kitchen and started opening and shutting cabinets, looking for what he needed.

Hesitantly, Erin went to her room and grabbed her comforter and all the blankets she could find in her closet. She tossed them onto the living room floor before retreating back to the room to get all her pillows.

When she went back into the living room, she saw Jay carrying the dining room chairs into the middle of the room, only putting them down to push the coffee table against the wall.

"Jay what are we doing?" Erin asked as she watched him rearrange their living room. "We can move furniture another day, I just want to cuddle."

"Oh we're gonna cuddle. But first, we're going to 'go camping!'" He exclaimed, quoting his last two words with his hands. "It's the middle of winter so it's not ideal to go outside and do this, so for now, we'll do it in here." He moved the chairs to opposite sides of the rug before picking up the comforter. "Here, help me with this."

"Jay… seriously?"

"Seriously!" He walked over to the closet and grabbed the broom, removing the brush side from it. "This should help keep the tent vaulted." He quickly threw Erin's pillows inside before hitting the switch to turn on the electric fireplace. "There, perfect." He stood with his hands on his hips, smiling at his work. "We gotta go to the kitchen first." He held out his hand and waited for her to link her fingers through his.

"Why do we have to go to the kitchen?" Erin said, a smile on her face. She found it endearing how this man would drop anything he was doing to make her happy. She didn't deserve this kind, generous man.

"To make s'mores. You can't have camping without s'mores, babe." Jay said as if it was the most obvious thing. As they walked over to the stove, Erin noticed that the countertop was filled with different packages. Jay turned on the stove before picking up two skewers and plucking marshmallows onto it. "It's not ideal, but it'll work." He extended one of the skewers to Erin who slowly took it from his hand.

They stood side by side, spinning the marshmallows to equally distribute heat across the white surface. When they were a golden brown colour, Jay turned the stove down to low and picked up the package of graham crackers.

"I don't even know why we have these but I guess it works out well for us today." Next, he took some chocolate from Erin's 'secret' stash and put it on top of the cracker. "I remember as a kid I could never squish the marshmallow enough with the crackers without breaking them, so be careful." Erin watched with adoration in her eyes as he softly squished the big marshmallow in between two graham crackers. "Your turn." He watched as Erin repeated his actions before they both made a plate full of the delicious treat. "Shall we go back to our tent?"

Jay let Erin lead the way and watched as she snuggled into their makeshift tent. He picked up the photo album again and sat next to Erin, picking up one of the s'mores.

"You know, you're gonna be here to experience my first time eating one." Erin said as she hesitantly brought it to her mouth. She took a small bite out of the corner and chewed, closing her eyes to savour the different tastes and consistencies merging in her mouth. "Oh my God. This is so good!"

"Do you need a moment?" Jay joked, taking a bite himself. "Honestly, these were my favourite part of summer, especially the chocolate." He swallowed the food in his mouth before continuing. "My mom was big on the whole 'no sugar for kids' rule so whenever we could get our hands on it, we completely binged."

"Tell me more about your childhood. Tell me all of it."

Jay and Erin cuddled up in their tent together—going through the various photos that came with a variety of funny stories—while munching on their snack.

"I know this wasn't real camping, but one day if you let me take you to Wisconsin, I'll show you everything." Jay promised as they laid under a blanket later that night, still in their fort.

"I think this was better than real camping." Erin whispered into his neck. "Thank you."

A smile spread across Jay's lips before he kissed Erin's forehead tenderly. He could feel her breathing becoming heavier and he used it to lull himself into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

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